Mixtape of Lullabies

YOUR FOREVER BESTFRIEND by CataWordians Casparion

YOUR FOREVER BESTFRIEND 

I chatted and asked my bestfriend for his notebook ‘cause I know that he already completed his notes. I was absent the day they had their notes because of something that's off with my health. 

“Ivan, pahiram ako ng notebook mo sa General Biology. Wala pa akong nasisimulan hahaha.” I chatted. 

In just seconds, he replied, “Naku. Wala pa sakin ang notebook ko hahaha. Ilang araw na wala sakin. Nasa iba pa nating kaklase. Pinagpapasa-pasahan pa ata haha.” 

“Ahh, ganun ba? Sige sige salamat.” I responded.

I asked him to accompany me and go to our school for some important stuff. I told him my masked reasons but he just refused. He excused that he'll be going out together with his family. I really was sad knowing that. It's like I lost the only hope I thought would work the way I wanted it to be.

The truth is, I just want to make time with him. I want somebody to talk with, and he's the only person I know who could help me. He's my bestfriend. He knows my story. Besides, he became my walking diary. We are not just bestfriends ‘cause whenever we are around, we treat each other as if we're siblings with the same blood that flows to our veins. He even said that he felt sorry for my circumstance. He knows how cruel my life was. Just for consolation, he promised me that he'll always be there whenever I want something to share. 

To be honest, I'm burdened. Depression starts to eat me and I just want to protect myself from getting into that. My pain triples as time goes by. Whenever I ask my friends to make time with me, they're always busy. Just like what my bestfriend said, he'll not be able to go with me because of their family duty. Though, I do understand them but still, I can't deny the fact that I also get hurt whenever I receive rejection. 

By that cause, I decided to ask help for my online friends. I was glad because they never let me fight alone. They kept encouraging me to go on in life and making me believe that life never dries out hope as long as you're living. It's just nice sharing your problems with your online friends because, for me, they are more sympathetic than our real life friends. Its like they really are with us whenever we feel down. That they really do understand what we're going through, and that made me even more close with them.

I was about to chat my online buddies but it seems like they're not online. With additional sadness in my heart, I just decided to go out and walk along the street. Maybe I would just release these melancholia at the side walk.

While walking with an active thoughts, I saw a familiar figures standing at the right post. And it hits me, I recognized them—my bestfriend and his other bestfriend, Talia.

“Oy bes pahiram din ako ng General Physics na notebook. Nakalimutan ko bukas na pala ang pasahan.” Talia said as she handed the notebook that my bestfriend had given.

“Baliw ka, bakit di mo sinabi? Yang General Biology lang ang dala ko.” my bestfriend commented.

I failed to follow their conversation because of what I've realized. 

And it hurts me, really. 

Ivan, why do you have to lie with me? Why do you have to make out excuses that are not true at all? I'm hurt because I felt rejected. I'm hurt because I realized that he could actually set me aside for others. Damn, it hurts when you know that you were never chosen at all. It's actually just okay with me if he'll be going to deprive me his notebook. What hurts me is the idea that he chose to lie. 

I'm already in pain. I'm already depressed. And now, it feels heavier than ever. Fuck. I don't understand what's going on. I don't understand why it has to be like this. I don't understand why I'm feeling this. I don't understand what I'm going through. I don't understand why I don't understand myself.