Mixtape of Lullabies

Destiny Whirwind by Pandaa Atrium / Jai Robles

Destiny. I used to believe that destiny is always a fallacy, a fiction that’s impossible to exist, a story for every little kids to assume that someone or something has already been planned for you. I repeat, used.

“Kuya, promise babayaran kita,” mangiyak-ngiyak na sabi ko habang pinapanood si kuyang pumirma ng tseke na milyon-milyon ang halaga.

But he only smiled at me. “I’m proud of who you are now. I can’t believe na ang laki na ng pinagbago mo. I’m really glad that Mary Ann found you and helped you,” ani niya habang tinatapik-tapik ang balikat ko. I flashed a grin. Mukha pa atang iiyak si kuya.

“Do I still have to pay, kuya?” Natawa si kuya at mahinang sinuntok ang braso ko.

“Siyempre naman. Chin up, my little brother! Parang hindi ikaw ang magiging CEO ko sa kompanya ‘pag naging Chairman na ako ah?” ani niya na sabay naming ikinatawa. Nahinto ang pag-uusap namin ni kuya ng iabot na sa’kin ang resibo, ibang papeles, at ang susi ng binili namin.

“Kuya, salamat,” taos-pusong wika ko. He nodded with his usual playful boyish smile.

“Be proud of who you are now, little brother. Ni hindi na halos kita makilala.” Napangiti naman ako sa sinabi niya.

Trust me kuya, maski ako hindi inakalang kaya ko pang magbago.

Twelve months have passed when my mother decided to kick me out of our house because of my lifestyle—biruin mo, tubig ko na ang alak at halos pagkain ko na ang weed, halos gawin ko na ring tirahan ang bar ng kaibigan ko— siguro nagsawa na si mommy sa kabalastugan ko kaya she decided to kick me out with nothing. Walang pera, walang sasakyan, walang credit cards, even my phone line was cut off! Que horror! Buti nanjan si kuya na tinulungan akong magkatrabaho and that’s when I met Mary Ann.

At first I don’t believe in love. It’s just a big pain in the ass. Kontenente nga naghihiwalay, tao pa kaya?

And after seeing how my mom was devastated when dad left her, makes me don’t want to believe in love.

Pero iba pa rin pala talaga ‘pag nahulog ka na. All I can say is love will make you want to throw your old self away just to become the better version of yourself for the one you love. And that’s what I did—for Mary Ann.

I know that it’s a whirlwind romance but hey, look how changed I am.

“Baby! You’re daydreaming!” Mary Ann said with a pout pagkatapos pitikin ang noo ko.

“Hindi ah. You’re way ethereal than any daydreams,” I said while flashing the genuine charming smile that she loves. Mas natuwa ako ng mag-blush siya.

“Let’s go?” Tumango siya kaya nama’y inalalayan ko siya papasok sa sinehan na nirentahan ko.

“Ano papanoorin natin? At ba’t tayo lang ang nandito?” tanong niya habang lumilinga-linga ng makaupo kami.

“I rented the whole place, baby,” I said as I watched with intense rapture the myriad of emotions that played across her face. Pareho kaming napaharap sa malaking screen nang maghudyat itong magsisimula na ang papanoorin namin.

I held her hand atsaka siya inakbayan, pulling her close to me, so close that I could almost drown in her strawberry and honey scent.

“Ano papanoorin natin?” she asked. And without looking at her, I answered, “Porn.”

“Aray!” Napabitaw at napalayo ako sa kanya nang kurutin niya ang braso ko using her free hand.

Akmang mangungurot uli siya kaya nama’y iniwas ko na ang braso ko. I looked at her, yung tipong nang-aakusa na may gagawin siyang masama. She laughed at me before looking back at the screen.