'how are you?'
'long time no see - how's life?'
'are you okay?'
i get asked these a lot.
and all too often
i force on a smile
and lie:
'i'm fine'
'i'm okay'
i really want to tell you the truth
behind those missed calls
and unread messages.
why i turn down invitations
to hang out
i want to tell it all to you
all those tears i've shed behind closed doors
all those night i've spent
wishing for someone to comfort me
all those suffering i've endured alone
all those red lines hidden under jackets
i want to tell you
how i truly feel about myself
i feel unlovable, ugly, useless
that there's no hope for me
i really want to tell you
about those thoughts.
they come and go
but when they hit,
i fantasise about ending it all
ending my life
and ending my suffering
if life is just full of pain and tears,
i'd rather not live at all.
i want to tell you
even if you never asked me
if i were okay in the first place
about how heavy my heart has been
these days
how much tears i've shed in silence
how much weight i'd had to endure alone,
because if i don't,
i'd end up being crushed under all that pain.
but, i don't want to cause problems.
you have things to deal with on your own, right?
i don't want to add on to that list.
and so,
i keep my mouth shut
and pretend to laugh at the joke you made
when in fact
i'm actually crying inside.
YOU ARE READING
Fragments of A Soul
Poetry'I'm no longer a whole; just fragments of a soul. My life is no longer red or yellow or blue; all that's left is a greyish hue. But, my soul will be whole once again and my life will be filled with sunshine and rain. Till then, words will be my esc...
