Fragments of A Soul

rainbows

as a kid, i used to believe that life is all sunshine and rainbows, unicorns and marshmallows. i thought life was all about when was play-time, when was snack-time, when i could watch those tv shows i loved and whether or not i could munch on those candies that adults say are bad for my teeth.

now? i wish i had half that innocence.

i don't even see rainbows anymore. unicorns don't exist, do they? i've gone from playing pretend with friends, where we have fun, to playing pretend with myself, where i'm in this constant state of denial, pretending that i'm holding up okay when i'm going to drown soon.

just like unicorns, i'm starting to think that maybe rainbows aren't real too.

yes, i know - i'm not dumb. i know rainbows are formed when white light is split.

but, tell me, can rainbows exist without light?

because lately, those dark clouds block all rays of sunshine from my life. (and we all know that we see rainbows after rain, right? but, what if the rain doesn't stop?) those dark clouds cover every inch of my mind, and sometimes they create thunderstorms that drown out my thoughts and hurricanes that kill whatever sanity i have left in me.

and i can't run from this rain, can i? how can i run from something that's permanently in my mind? these dark clouds have found home in my mind for a while now, and it doesn't look like they're leaving anytime soon.

i can't run away. all i can do is to stand in the rain, letting the rainwater soak through my skin, looking up at the skies (perhaps with a tear-stained face? honestly, i can't tell.) and wishing for the slightest trace of sunshine or rainbows.

but, there's nothing to see, for the water stings my eyes and i'd have to look down again.

what are the chances of seeing light in this world? almost none.