Broken Lantern

Chapter One

The days following Darry's death were nothing more than a blur. I didn't even want to be alive, much less eat or drink anything like our moms kept trying to push on me. I knew that I needed to take care of myself for the baby, but I just couldn't. I couldn't even bring myself to lay in our bed; I slept on the couch instead.

Everything just feels... off. I feel like my emotions are very raw and all over the place. I've lashed out at my family and Darry's too, more than once, not really meaning to but just unable to control myself. I've been avoiding everyone because of this. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I'm having such a difficult time trying to hold my world together right now.

The guys that hit the back of Matt's Jeep all went to jail because of the chase that they had started through town. There were too many witnesses for them to walk away.

My world had changed so dramatically in the blink of an eye, and I was having a difficult time adjusting, to say the least. Darry was there every day, even before he was my husband, he was my best friend in this whole godforsaken world. He made everything better, lighter somehow; he made me better. And now he's gone, and I'm all alone. And here very soon, I'll have a baby to take care of, also alone. I have no idea how I'm going to get myself to function properly again, much less be able to care for a needy baby.

When it was me and Darry, I was excited for this new life of ours, but now I'm just scared, and I can't understand for the life of me why God would do this to us? Why God? Why would you allow this to happen? I'm just so sad, and so angry; at God, at the whole world. It's not fair.

I've been so out of it that I haven't a clue as to what day it is, or even whether it's night or day, when I wake up. I've covered every window with blankets and closed every door from all of the rooms off the livingroom. I don't want to see the sun at all.

When I'm awake, every time I close my eyes, my mind flashes back to seeing Darry's broken and bloody body lying on that hospital bed and then I get random flashes of his funeral and memorial service. I had had him cremated, because that's how he had always said he wanted to be taken care of.

I couldn't even get myself dressed for his funeral. My mom had to come over and put me into a black dress, even putting my shoes on my feet. My daddy helped me out to his truck, lifting me up into the passenger seat and buckling me in.

All I keep hearing are Darry's last words to me; "...tell my son I love him." It's not fair! Darry will never get to see on our child. He won't be there to hold my hand and support me during the birth of our baby either. The baby will never know how wonderful his father was and how much he loved him. He won't grow up with a daddy to throw the ball around with or to teach him to ride a bike. He won't have Darry here to ask for advice or to teach him how to tie a tie for his first school dance.

Darry was robbed too. He was too young to be taken like this. His life had just started. Our life together, as husband and wife, had just started.

I feel the anger building in me again, so I pick up a pillow and throw it across the room as hard as I can.

"Huh?! What was that?" I hear a voice coming from the dark corner where I threw the pillow. "Alice?"

I panic and turn on the lamp beside me. "Kevin? What are you doing here?"

He's sitting in the recliner in the corner, and by the looks of him, he's been there all night. His clothes are disheveled and his hair's a mess. He's got a small throw blanket over him and there's a couch pillow beside his feet on the floor, next to the one I just threw at him.

"We didn't want you to be alone. I volunteered to stay so your dad could go home and get some rest", He tells me, blushing. "But I've been here, even when someone else is here. I just want to make sure you're ok."

"My dad? He's been here too?" I ask, not fully understanding that they've obviously had a rotation going for babysitting me.

"Yeah, we've all been taking turns sitting with you, Alley."

"Kevin?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't call me that."

"Oh, yeah... yeah... I'm sorry, I won't", he says, looking down at the floor.

"I don't mean to be rude, Kevin... that's what Darry calls..." I sigh, and start again, "...called me." I tell him, feeling ashamed of myself for making him feel uncomfortable.

"Oh no, I understand, no explanation needed, really", he says, his voice full of sincerity. "Can I get you something to eat or drink?" I can see the concern in his face.

"A glass of water would be nice", I tell him, and he smiles, getting up to retrieve a glass for me.

He comes back into the room and hands me a glass of ice water.

"Thank you, Kevin."

He nods and sits back down in the recliner. Waiting for me to speak to him, I assume.

"What day is it?" I ask, wanting to know how long I've been out of it.

"It's Saturday, Alle..er, Alice", he says and looks at his feet again. "It's been over two weeks. You had all of us scared. They'll all be so happy to know that you're ok."

"I'm not ok, Kevin. I don't think I'll ever be ok again", I say more to myself really. He nods his head in understanding and sits back, letting his head fall back against the recliner, he stares at the ceiling, concentrating like he's in deep thought.

"I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I do understand your pain, Alice. I loved him too. He was my best friend. I don't think I'll ever understand why God took him but let the rest of us live. He had so much more to live for." The pain in his voice catches me off guard. I look at him again and it's like I'm seeing him for the first time.

His face has several cuts on it. He's got a gash under his right eye that seems to be healing up well. He's got a cut down his left cheek, also starting to heal. There are bruises on him too, on his forehead and his arms. The sight of him now shocks me and I gasp.

"What's wrong?" he asks. "I just hadn't realized that you were hurt", I answer looking down at my legs stretched out in front of me on the couch, ashamed that I hadn't noticed his injuries sooner.

"Oh, no. I'm ok, really. It looks bad, but I'm alright. Matt and Joel got it a lot worse. Joel's still in the hospital", he tells me, worry in his expression.

"And Matt?" I ask.

"Oh, he's at home now, but he had us worried for a few days. He's got whiplash, and a few bad cuts and bruises. He had a concussion, but he's ok now, as far as that goes anyway. Joel's the one we're worried about. He's in a coma. He and Darry were both thrown from the car, neither of them were wearing a seat belt."

I draw in a deep breath when he mentions Darry's name and the accident. The pain hitting me right in the chest.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. If I had realized they weren't wearing it, I would've told them..." he drops his head and covers his face with his hands as he sobs into them.

I'm across the livingroom before I know I've moved, wrapping my arms around him. I lay my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me, as we both cry about our horrible loss.