Broken Lantern

Chapter Fourteen

The next day I wake up still lying in the middle of the kitchen floor. I hear a knock at the door and then another one and another one. I walk to the door and look out to see two men in uniforms, each propping up a large box in front of them. "Can I help you?" I call through the door.

"Yes, ma'am, we have a delivery for a Mrs. Alice Williams." He says, looking down at his clipboard.

I open the door and see that the boxes have pictures on them. One is a beautiful white circular crib with a white curtain draped around the top of it, like a canopy. The other box is a matching white changing table with a door on the right side of it; a tiny little closet just for hanging the baby's clothes in.

My heart sinks and I know that this is what Kevin was talking about. He ordered these for Dallas.

I step aside, allowing the men to bring the boxes in. They set them down in the foyer just before the kitchen and turn to leave, wishing me a good day and congratulating me on the baby.

I close the door and walk over to the boxes, looking closer at the photos, tracing my hand along each one. I sit down on the floor in front of them, and just stare, wondering how I got here. How my life turned into this big nasty mess.

I'm eighteen, widowed, pregnant and alone.

I just managed to run off the one person that has been here for me nonstop, comforting me and making me feel half normal again. Not that my family and Darry's family hasn't been here too, it's just... different.

I hear the front door open and close and look over to see my daddy coming into the house. He comes over and sits down beside me, putting his hand on my knee, patting it. "What do you have there, sweet pea?" He asks, smiling a half smile at me, and pointing to the boxes in front of me. "Need help with it?"

I nod and lean my head over to lay it on his shoulder and he drops his head on mine. "Rough night?" He asks and stops, sensing that he shouldn't pry any further. "You could say that", I tell him and lift my head.

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong, Daddy. I feel so split down the middle, you know? On the one hand, I just said goodbye to my husband; my one and only very best friend in the whole world. I have only ever known Darry, Daddy. Now Kevin is here and Darry's not. And I can't change that. I can't take it back, as badly as I want him here, he will never be here again." I cry, small sobs beginning to burn in my chest.

"I feel like if I let myself move on this soon... if I allow myself to love Kevin and let him in, let him help me and be here for me and Dallas, I am somehow betraying Darry and our marriage, our love... his memory. But I don't want Kevin to leave either, Daddy. I do love him. As much as I don't want to, I can't help myself from feeling love toward him. It's not the same as my love for Darry, I don't think anything can ever match that love, but it's still love."

He listens and allows me to finish and then he pulls me back by my shoulders and looks me in my eyes. "Baby, I knew and loved Darry too. And if there is anything that I knew about that boy, it's how much he loved you and always only wanted to make you happy and for you to feel safe. Darry isn't up there glaring down at you, seething at you for loving his best friend. Baby, he's smiling and overjoyed that you aren't alone here, hurting and making yourself sick. He's happy that Kevin is the one here taking care of his family for him, Alley. I know he is. He loved Kevin too. He would be thrilled to know that someone he loved and trusted is going to be here for his girls."

He hugs me to him and finishes by saying, "Alley, don't let yourself miss out on another wonderful love because you're worried that the first one will somehow be tainted by it. Darry wouldn't want that."

I try to give him my best smile, but it falls short and he laughs gently at the attempt. "Do you know where he is? Is he coming back?" I shake my head and he nods. "Well... do you want to put these together now or do you want to wait?" He asks, pointing to the boxes.

"Can we wait a little while, please?" I ask him, not wanting to open the boxes without Kevin. It just doesn't feel right.

"Sure, sweetheart, but you better not wait too long. Our girl will be here very, very soon." He says, touching my belly just as Dallas kicks against it. His face lights up and he says, "Oh, wow! I remember when it was you kicking me like that. Seems like it was just yesterday. Time sure does fly."