Broken Lantern

Chapter Nine

I'm still sitting on the couch when my phone starts to vibrate across the room from me on the table next to the recliner. I jump up, hoping to see Kevin's name, but it's Matt calling me instead.

"Hello?" I answer the phone, wondering what he would be calling me about. "Alice?" I hear Matt's frazzled voice coming from the other end and my heart falls to my feet. Not again, I think and feel my head start to go all fuzzy.

I sit down in the recliner and say, "Yeah, Matt, it's me. What's wrong, where's Kevin?" Not wanting to hear the answer.

"Kevin? I figured he was there with you. I'm calling about Joel." He says and I catch my breath. "He's awake, Alice! Jess wanted me to call to tell you and to ask if you'd come to the hospital."

All kinds of emotions come over me all at once. I'm relieved that he's not calling to tell me bad news about Kevin. I try to ignore the nightmares, but I guess they're affecting me more than I realize.

I'm overjoyed that Joel is awake and he's obviously doing well enough that they want me to come up there.

And I'm also horrified at the idea of walking into that hospital; the last place I ever saw or spoke to Darry. The place that now haunts my dreams, making me a total crazy person.

"Yeah, I'll be right there", I tell him, and head out the door, praying the whole way there that God will go into the hospital with me and not let me enter that place alone.

When I pull into the parking lot of the hospital, I can barely breathe. The anxiety overcomes me, and I am in a full-on panic attack before I ever even reach the door. My legs are wobbly, and I feel very unsteady, but I walk through the glass double doors anyway. Inside I know that I can steady myself on the rail that runs down the length of every corridor within the hospital. But falling is not my biggest worry, though it probably should be.

No, my biggest worry is making it down the same corridor that I see in my sleep, that causes me grief and makes me sick. I pick up my feet and like a robot, I force them to carry me down the hall in front of me, one foot at a time.

I hear Matt's voice booming down the hall before I'm even close to the room. To get to Joel's room, I realize I'll have to cross by the same room that Darry died in. The same room that I find myself in most nights recently, as soon as I drift off to sleep.

Realizing I won't be able to do this if I don't start running now, I let go of the rail and take off down the hall. I know people are staring and the nurses would probably be very upset with me and scold me... if they could catch me, but I don't care. I am determined not to let this get the best of me and I want to see Joel and know that he's ok.

Right as I'm passing Darry's room, Brittany steps out of Joel's and sees me running toward her. Her eyes go wide and her mouth opens as if she's going to say something, but I can't stop, I can't slow down. I run right by her into Joel's room and everyone stops talking to turn and look at me; out of breath, my chest heaving up and down. I bend over and lean on my knees, holding my belly with my free arm.

I didn't even see Kevin in the room, but he's by my side now, asking me if I'm ok, his arm around my back as he's bent down, pulling my hair back to look me in my face. I look over at him and smile, and all I can get out between heavy breaths is, "I'm good. I did it, Kevin. I got by his room."

I stand up and look at the bed in front of me. Joel is sitting up with Jessica sitting in a chair beside his bed, holding his hand. Matt and Brittany are standing by the large glass window and in the corner are Joel's mom, dad and sister. "Good thing these rooms are huge, huh?" I ask them all and they burst out laughing, thankful to break the tension brought into the room by my overly dramatic entrance just moments ago.

I smile at Kevin and he takes my hand, leading me over to an empty chair beside Jessica. "Sit down, please, before you give me a heart attack, woman." He takes his place behind me, putting his hands on both of my shoulders, massaging them gently.

Joel smiles up at us and I can see the light bruises that are starting to fade away. His cuts have all but healed and he seems to be doing fine. His head still has a bandage around it, so I can't exactly see what's going on there, but he seems alert and coherent enough to put me at ease over his well-being.

Joel points to my belly and says, "So, a girl, huh?" and winks at me. I nod and smile, holding my belly, I tell him, "Yeah, I know... a little Alice. Watch out world!" And everyone laughs again.

"I know that's right", Kevin says, and I turn to slap his arm. He bends down to kiss my cheek and I hear the breaths getting sucked in around the room and Jess shifting in the seat next to me, but no one says anything. And for that I'm grateful. I definitely don't want to try to explain something to someone else that I don't even understand yet myself. That is not a conversation that I'm ready to have just yet, but I know that Kevin and I need to talk about it, and soon. I silently pray that he's coming home with me as my belly begins to rumble loudly and I remember that I haven't eaten anything today.

"She's telling you that it's past time to feed her", Kevin says to me.

"Haven't you eaten anything, Alice?" Jessica asks me, looking concerned.

"Not yet, I kind of got sidetracked this morning before I had a chance." I say, blushing and I feel Kevin gently squeeze my shoulder.

"Let's go grab some breakfast then", Kevin says to me, gently lifting me up by my elbow. "Anyone else hungry?" He says, looking around the room at all of the faces staring at us like we suddenly have three heads each.

"Yeah, man, I could eat", Matt says turning to Brittany. "You hungry, dear?" She nods and we all say that we'll be right back and head toward the door. I stop to go back and hug Joel, who gives me a gentle squeeze and whispers in my ear, "Darry wouldn't mind, ya know." I pull back and look at him, confusion all over my face. He just winks at me and gives me a thumbs up with a joyful smile.

I leave the room and see Kevin has waited for me to come out. "I told them to go on down to the cafeteria and we'd meet them there. I hope you don't mind."

I shake my head and look down at my feet and Kevin's feet, and notice the sizable difference. He puts his hand under my chin, lifting my face to his and kisses the tip of my nose softly. "I'm sorry I ran out like that. I just didn't want you to see me upset. I know I don't have the right to be..."

"Yes! Yes, you do, Kevin. I had no right to call you by his name. I didn't mean to either, I hope you know that." I tell him. He nods, and says, "I do. That's what upset me."