Broken Lantern

Chapter Eighteen

When we walk out into the livingroom, all eyes are on us. "Morning sleepyhead", Matt says first. "Morning", everyone else says, greeting us as I wipe the sleep from my eyes. My daddy's holding Dallas, his arms supporting the length of her body, his hands cupped and resting under her head as she lays on his legs. Britt's sitting on the couch next to him, leaning over Dallas, making faces at her. Dallas is just looking up at them both, moving her eyes from one face to the next, a look on her face that says, "You people are nuts!" I can't help but get tickled, and giggle at her expressions.

"Who made breakfast?" I ask, looking around the room for the person to thank. "That would be Kevin", my daddy says, looking up from his granddaughter and nodding his head toward the man standing beside me. I turn to look at him over my shoulder and he grins down at me, bending down to kiss the tip of my nose. "You want to go grab some now while she's occupied?" He asks, holding his arm out as if to say, "You first".

I turn and go into the kitchen and see the delicious spread before us. The counter has plates of bacon, scrambled eggs, pancakes, toast, and all of our different flavors of jellies and jams. Kevin loves jam on everything.

"Why did you make all of this?" I ask, confused by the amount of food on the counter. "I didn't know who all would be hungry or what they'd want, so I made what I could."

I look again and ask, "Did anyone eat?" And he laughs. "No, we were waiting for you to wake up. I just finished it all, it should still be warm." He walks over to put his hand over the eggs and then the pancakes, "Yeah, it's still warm. I'll get everybody." Dallas's bedroom is closer to the kitchen than our room, so Daddy takes her and lays her down in her crib and winds her mobile for her. Everyone joins us in the kitchen and sits down around the table, filling their plates with food. It all smells so good; I feel my belly rumble and take a big bite of pancakes with blueberry jam on top. Kevin takes a mouthful of eggs and turns to smile at me, his cheeks chipmunking out, and I laugh. His mom smacks his arm and tells him to take smaller bites and to mind his manners. He turns to her and crosses his eyes, opening his mouth to show her the chewed-up food, and I laugh again as she cringes at the nasty sight.

"What are you, 12?" She asks, rolling her eyes, eating a piece of bacon. Kevin nods at her, only annoying her further. But she smiles at him and takes another bite.

Matt and Brittany tell us all that Joel is going home from the hospital today. He's been cleared and though he isn't back to one hundred percent, he's going to make a full recovery. I'm very thankful to God for sparing his life and for not taking him from us, from Jessica. Matt tells us that Joel wants to come by sometime in the next few days; he wants to meet Dallas and see how we're doing too. We didn't want to take her to the hospital because of the germs and we're a bit protective with her being so small.

Kevin lights up at the news and is nodding his head in agreement, "Yeah, dude! Tell him and Jess to come on anytime, whenever they're ready. It's not like we go anywhere." He says, laughing at his own sarcastic joke.

Mr. Williams is listening carefully to hear how Joel is recovering and I can see both joy and sadness in his eyes, and I know exactly how he's feeling. I recognize the same look I've seen in my own eyes, in the mirror, a lot over these past few months. Happiness over Joel's recovery but sad that Darry couldn't recover to be here with us now. It's a fine line there, between happiness and envy. But we're walking it.

He catches me looking at him and gives me a half smile, that I return, and he understands that I understand. He nods and takes another bite, looking down at his plate for the rest of the meal.

When I'm done eating, I go into the nursery to see Dallas. She's laying in the middle of the crib on her back, kicking her feet and moving her arms, just watching the mobile that is now silent and has stopped moving. I watch her for just a few seconds, taking her in, her eyes, her lips, the shape of her face, it's all him.

If I close my eyes and concentrate hard enough, I can hear his voice and picture him walking into the room behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders, pressing his body against my back, as we both look down to watch out beautiful baby girl, together.

I lean over the side of the crib and lift her out, putting her to my chest, I turn to walk out and see Kevin standing in the door, watching us quietly, a soft expression on his face. "She's perfect, isn't she?" He asks, kissing her cheek as we pass by him, exiting the nursery.

I smile and nod, but continue walking, ready to make it to the couch so I can love on her and try to push thoughts of Darry out of my mind. "We're gonna run, we're gonna go help Joel and Jessica get settled into his parents' house." Brittany tells us, bending down to kiss the back of Dallas's head and rubbing her back. "Love you, little girl. See you later." She whispers over her. "See y'all later too", she says, waving bye. "Later, man", Matt says to Kevin, doing that silly hand grab, chest bump, half hug thing they all do. "Yeah, later, brother. Y'all be safe."

They walk out the door and Bobby gets up to follow behind them. "Got chores to finish up, so I'm headed that way too. See y'all later." He walks out the door and I know by the slump in his shoulders that he's having a hard time of it today too.

My heart aches for him, because I completely understand.