Broken Lantern

Chapter Twenty-Two

A few days go by and the house feels so empty around me. It's just me and Dallas, with the occasional visit from Mom or Daddy, Darry's parents or one of the group, but it's mostly been me and Dally here, hanging out, spending time together.

I have to get out of the house today. These walls feel like they're closing in on me. I cannot watch another cartoon or talk show. My mind is full of thoughts and doubts, but mostly, I just miss him.

I get Dally dressed and carry her outside. We're going to the barn this morning to see who all is hanging out there. I know that Kevin's been helping my dad out, and I'm secretly hoping he'll be there now. He really needs to get back to school; I'm going to be graduating late, but he could still catch up. However, today is Sunday, so it's very likely that he could be in there with them, helping with random chores.

When we reach the barn, we hear people talking and laughing together. I see that Daddy is talking to Bobby, they're standing by the office door, leaned slightly in, looking inside and then back to each other during conversation.

"Good morning", I say as me and Dally come around the door. "What's going on in here today?" Daddy looks up at us, smiling and Bobby comes over to talk sweetly to his granddaughter, reaching out to pick her up.

He walks her into the office, where I'm guessing Mom and Elaine are. Daddy gives me a hug and asks me how I'm doing. "I'm ok, just getting cabin fever, I suppose." He nods, understanding exactly what I mean and puts his arm around my shoulders, bringing me to the office door where Bobby and he were just standing.

I look in the office and sure enough, there's Mom, sitting behind her desk, a stack of papers in front of her that she's trying to concentrate on in between conversation. Elaine's sitting in the chair across from her, also working on a pile of paperwork. "That's the good thing about running your own business, you can take work anywhere you see fit", Elaine says looking at me out of the corner of her eye, still crunching numbers and writing and then scratching things out.

"How's the new one doing?" I ask, remembering the foal that was born not long ago. "Doing good, getting bigger by the day", Daddy tells me.

"Has Kev been by? I only ask because I know he was helping out while he was here", I ask, as I look down at my feet, hoping they don't detect the desperation in my voice.

"Naw, he's keeping his distance, I believe. That boy doesn't know his head from his butt right now. He's probably just trying to figure things out. He won't be around here... not any time soon anyway", Bobby tells me, and I feel the punch right in my gut from the truth and honesty in his words.

"Yeah, I guess not", I say, turning to leave the barn.

Not wanting to go home, but wanting to give him his space and time to calm down, I put Dallas in the car and buckle her in. "We're gonna go to church today, baby girl." I tell her, kissing her forehead and climbing into the front seat.

I pull out of the driveway and turn toward town, anxious to get as far away from this place as possible.

In town, people are piling into the church; some lingering on the front steps in deep conversation, while others stand in the foyer, greeting each other as they pass through to the sanctuary.

I park the car and get Dallas out of the backseat. Unsure of the decision I've made to come here, I stand back in hesitation, not knowing what to expect. It's been a long time since I've been through those doors, but it hasn't been long enough that I wouldn't expect to be bombarded with sympathies and pity over Darry's death.

Not wanting to return to the farm to sit alone in my own thoughts, feeling lonely and depressed, I walk forward, gaining more confidence in my choice to come to church today with every step.

If they give their condolences – again, I will just nod and shake their outstretched hand or return their well-intentioned hug. I think to myself, stepping up onto the first step into the building.

Pastor Rainey is the first to greet me, doing exactly what I expected, well.... kind of. "Well, well, well... look who we have here", he says, putting his hand on his hip, exaggerating his astonishment at my being here. "To what do we owe this lovely surprise?" he asks, taking Dally's hand in his, shaking it gently, as if to introduce himself. "Hi, there, beautiful girl. I'm happy to see your bright, cheery face here this morning", he tells her leaning into her face as he speaks, a big joyful smile on his face.

I can't help but smile at his jovial demeanor, and the seemingly ecstatic reaction to our being here. "I haven't seen you since Darry's passing, I just want to tell you how sorry we all are and tell you that we have not stopped praying for you and little Dallas here", he continues, tickling her chunky little leg, making her laugh. "I hope this will be the first of many return visits", he says to me, smiling, as I thank him for his kind words and start into the church.

When we get inside of the Sanctuary, I see the pews are beginning to fill up, so I hurry to find a seat in the fourth row on the right side of the room. Once we're seated, I place Dallas on my lap and begin to look around the room, taking in the faces of all those surrounding us. I've tried to stay close to home lately, not really venturing out too much more than is absolutely necessary, so I haven't seen most of these people much recently.

I continue to look around until I lock eyes with someone staring intently in our direction. The beautiful green eyes now holding my attention, both startle and excite me. Kevin's here too, sitting across from us on the left side of the room, with his mom and dad.