Broken Lantern

Chapter Thirteen

"Oh, wow! Um... not sure I'm ready for that just yet..." I say to him, turning to go sit across the room. I look up at him expecting to see a look of disgust, anger or frustration, anything except for the look of amusement that's now all over his face.

He grins and leans forward; resting one elbow on his knee, one hand pinching his chin and the other he lifts to run through his messy blonde hair. "So, what you're saying is... in time..." And he gazes up at me, clearly loving how he makes me squirm in my seat.

"Kevin!" I laugh nervously at his cocky demeanor and he leans forward lowering himself to his knees on the floor in front of the couch. He moves slowly across the carpet, never breaking eye contact. When he makes it to me, he raises himself up, putting his hands on either side of my knees and lifts his face to mine.

He kisses me again, this time soft and sweet, the side of his thumb tracing gently down the line of my jaw and then under my chin. He pulls back and whispers oh so softly into my ear, "I love you, Alley. Ready or not."

His tone and choice of wording takes me back instantly to when we were all kids playing hide and seek on the playground. I remember running and laughing, playing along with everyone. I remember Darry calling my name and saying he'll find me, warning me that I can't hide from him. And then another old and long-lost memory pops into my head, something that I'd forgotten about until hearing Kevin say those words to me just now. I'm pulled back in time, Kevin and I are hiding from Darry behind the big gray electric box. Darry's counting and then we hear him say, "Ready or not, here I come", just then Kevin leans over me, taking my face into his hands, he kisses me and whispers to me, "I love you, Alice. I'll always love you." And he gets up and runs out from behind the box, letting Darry tag him.

"Oh, Kevin..." I whisper. "You kissed me and told me you loved me...when we were just kids, playing hide and seek on the school playground."

His eyes fly open wide and then he just grins at me. I watch as the memory flashes back into his mind. "I told you I've always loved you." He smiles, "What? You didn't believe me?" He asks, raising his eyebrow and leaning in to kiss me again. Then, bringing his lips right to my ear, he whispers softly, "I told you then, I'll always love you, Alice."

I put my hand to the side of his face and move his lips to mine. I pull him closer to me and throw my arms around his neck. He lays me back in the recliner, bringing his body to hover over mine, supporting his weight on his arms. He kisses me again and then pulls himself back to sit on his legs. I sit up to look him in his eyes, seeing by his expression exactly where his thoughts had just been.

His face is flushed, and his chest is rising and falling faster than normal. I can see the desire in his eyes, but something is holding him back. I see the struggle happening inside of him.

"Alley, I really want to be with you. I mean... I reeeeeaaallllly want to. But I can't. Not like this. Not right now." He looks down, and when he looks up again, I see the angish in his eyes, the pain very evident in his expression. "Man, Alley. I wish you knew how much I love you. How badly I want to be here with you. Not just here for you, but with you." My hearts races at his words. "...but I can't. It isn't right. One day though... when you really want me. When you're ready to have me."

He pats my knee and excuses himself, walking into the kitchen. I hear the refrigerator door open and close and then a chair squeaks as it's being pulled out and then in again. I hear the glass being placed on the table and then I hear the deep, sorrowful sigh escape from Kevin.

My heart breaks and honestly, I have to pull myself together. I was certainly ready to let him act as Darry would have. What is wrong with me?! Darry is still all over me. He's barely gone, and I was ready to let Kevin do things to me that Darry would kill us both over. Ugh!

I walk into the kitchen. Kevin is sitting at the table in the dark, but the light coming in through the window illuminates the room just enough for me to make out his silhouette. He's leaned over the table resting his head in his hands. "I think I need to leave for a while." He says to me, not turning or moving his head from his hands. And I panic. I go over to him, kneeling down beside him, I put my hand on his leg and look up into his sad eyes, begging him not to go. I plead with him not to leave me alone as tears stream down my cheeks.

"Alice, I'm not doing this to hurt you. I just need time to think." He says, standing up, scooting the chair out behind him. He slowly pushes it back under the table, and turns to walk out of the room, leaving me standing there all alone in the kitchen. Unable to move or speak. I hear him moving around the house, getting dressed and collecting his keys. I hear him walk out the front door, closing it behind him, and I fall to my knees in the middle of the kitchen floor, sobbing.

I listen as he pulls out of the driveway and onto the street, driving away from me, putting me behind him as nothing more than an unwanted memory.