Broken Lantern

Chapter Ten

The cafeteria downstairs is almost empty when we get there. We see Matt and Brittany sitting at a table, waiting for us, waving us over to them when we come through the door. I can see the question in their expressions as we approach the table.

I really don't want to have this conversation. I don't want to have to explain why or how Kevin and I have gotten so close with Darry being gone less than a month. I don't think I could if I tried.

And I know he doesn't want to have to explain how he loves me and how I can't return the same feelings for him but that I love him for being here for me. It sounds awful just saying it in my own head!

Oh, I'm a horrible person.

We all go to grab our food and I see that they have scrambled eggs and bacon... with toast. I grab my food and head over to the table to sit down when Brittany sits next to me, and asks, "So, what's going on with you and Kev?"

My shoulders drop and I look down at my plate, regretting coming to the hospital.

"Britt, if you don't mind, I really don't want to talk about it right now. I don't think I could give you a satisfactory explanation, anyway. I don't know myself, to be honest."

She nods and puts her arm around my shoulders giving me a gentle squeeze. "I understand. No problem. No judgments either, just so you know." She says, winking at me and taking a bite of the oatmeal in front of her.

Kevin and Matt walk over to us with plates piled high. "Wow! Did y'all leave anything for anyone else? You know it's bad to take food from sick people, right?" Brittany says, smirking at Matt.

"Man, there's plenty of food up there. This isn't anything, I'm planning on going back, watch..." Matt says, sitting down, leaning in to kiss Brittany's shoulder.

"It's not a buffet, Matt, geez", Brittany teases him and me and Kevin laugh with her. Kevin looks up at me and winks, giving me his best sexy smile. I hate this. I don't want to hurt him. He's been so good to me. I wish we could just go back. I can't imagine ever loving anyone the way I love Darry and seriously not less than a month after losing him. But I don't want to lose Kevin either. I know he's going to get sick of chasing someone that's too empty to give anything back. He will leave; it's not a matter of if, but of when.

The thought breaks my heart and I can't finish my breakfast. I wish I could give him what he needs just so he will stay.

I watch him sitting across from me, smiling and laughing, cutting up with Matt and just being silly. His eyes are so bright when he laughs, and his smile... it's probably my favorite one (other than Darry's, of course), it's just so beautiful and so incredibly sincere. His whole face lights up and you can't help but smile with him; the light that radiates from him pulls you in and you're overwhelmed by his beauty before you even know that you've been taken in by him.

But the best thing, the greatest part of him is how he soothes me by just being there. When I'm upset, or hurting so badly over missing Darry, he's there; he's always right there. When he wraps me in his arms, it doesn't fade away, but he makes everything more bearable. He calms me and my anxiety. I'm able to just melt into him and he engulfs me in such a way that I don't have to feel the rawness of my feelings alone anymore. He takes it all into him, letting me sink into his arms and allowing me to cry or scream into his chest if I need to. He doesn't try to stop me or tell me it'll be ok just so I will stop, instead he just lets me feel it and then he helps me move on from it.

That's the best thing that anyone could do for me. And I think he knows that.

"Alley, do you want to go shopping later today? I'm seriously chomping at the bit to buy adorable little girl clothes!" Brittany asks, hopeful that I will say yes.

I feel a small panic come over me and look from her to Kevin, unsure if I'm really up for shopping. "I... I don't know..." I start, feeling the anxiety begin to rise up. Kev reaches over and puts his hand on mine. "I will be there with you. We can go out of town to shop wherever you want, Alley. We don't have to stay around here", he says, calming me instantly. "I'd kind of like to go buy some things myself", he adds, smiling at me and leaning over to put his forehead to mine, "She is gonna need stuff."

I don't know what possesses me, but I tilt my head up and kiss him, like a real, serious kiss that says a lot more than just "Thank you", and the table goes completely silent for the duration of the kiss.

We just stare into each other's eyes for a moment and then he breaks the stare by turning toward Matt and Brittany, "Well... I don't really know how to explain that", he says, laughing nervously, as we both look at the gaping stares on our friends faces.

I just put my hands up to either side of me and shrug, tilting my head slightly to the side all I can do is give them an innocent smile and a nervous laugh. "I couldn't tell ya myself." I say, putting my hand over Kevin's and squeezing it.

"Alright then, where are we going?" Matt says, clapping his hands together, changing the subject, thankfully.

"Well, right now we're going back up to see Joel and Jess, but we'll talk about where to go shopping after", Britt tells him, standing to take her plate to the trashcan. Matt follows her, but Kev stays behind a second to look at me. Raising an eyebrow, his expression asking me about that kiss, I just smile and kiss his cheek, standing to throw my plate away. I turn to quickly follow behind our friends.