Broken Lantern

Chapter Twenty-One

The rest of the picnic is spent ohhhing and awwing over the beautiful ring he had just proposed with. It had been his grandmother's wedding ring; she gave it to his mom to hold for him, so he could give it to his future wife. It's so beautiful; the band is gold, and instead of the traditional diamond setting, there's a big white pearl set in the center. Around the pearl are tiny little diamonds coming out of both sides in the shape of triangles.

At first neither of us knew what to do with the ring since I was still wearing Darry's ring. Elaine had to come tell us that I was supposed to move Darry's ring to my right finger, where Kevin's promise ring now was. So, I move Darry's ring to my right hand and let Kevin slip his ring on my wedding finger. I put the promise ring inside in my jewelry box for now, until I can get it sized and can slip it on my finger next to Darry's ring.

The picnic went well, everyone congratulated us and the mom's spent the remainder of the lunch whispering about wedding details, while the dads talked business stuff. They all took turns swooning over Dally, until it was her nap time, and Kevin picked her up to take her inside to lay her down.

I was happy to have a moment of separation between us, it gave me time to process what all had just happened, without him here to study each and every expression that might come across my face as I sat in deep thought.

Not that I have to think about wanting to marry Kevin, I do want to marry him. I love him, so very much. He's great to us, to Dallas. He's the best daddy to her and we already live as if we're married. Heck, it feels kind of like when Darry died, Kevin just kind of slipped in and took over his role. That's a horrible thought. I don't really feel like he took over Darry's role, but he took care of me after Darry died, and then he took care of us, when Dally was born. He's been here every moment since.

The thing that keeps running through my mind is, I'm still married. I know it's legally not true, I'm widowed. But in my heart, in my head, I'm still married. Next month, I'll be 19 years old, and I will have been married, widowed and remarried before I'm 20. It just seems a bit much, a bit fast.

I hear the front door open and close and snap back to the conversations happening around me. Joel and Matt are talking cars and football; the usual for those two. While Britt and Jess are talking bridesmaids and reception details. "Are you going to wear white again?" Jess asks and Brittany gives her a scornful look. "I-I don't know. I haven't really thought about it", I tell her, looking from her to Britt and then to my mom. I don't even realize I'm crying until my mom gets up and comes to put her arm around me.

"What is it, Alley?" she leans in and whispers to me, trying not to bring too much attention to us and our current situation.

I shrug my shoulders, unable to speak and she hugs me tighter.

Kevin makes it to the blanket and kneels beside me and my mom. She looks up at him and backs up as he slides in to take her place. "Hey, you, let's go talk somewhere real fast, ok?" And he lifts me up by my hands, leading me back to our front porch where we sit on the steps.

"What's going on, Alley? Why are you upset?" he asks, fear and uncertainty filling up his voice.

I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to let too much of what's going on in my head, slip out and fall all over him.

"You have to talk to me here, babe. I can't help if you won't tell me what's wrong." he pleads.

The look in his eyes breaks my heart, making me want to tell him everything I've been thinking, but the logical side of me knows it's better not to tell him because it'll only hurt him more. But before I can say a word, he says, "Are you having doubts about accepting my proposal, Alley? Is that what I saw on your face before I came out the door a few minutes ago?" A sadness appears in his eyes as he already knows the answer. I just nod and he nods back, "I thought that might be it."

We sit in silence for a few minutes and then he says, "Alley, let me ask you something, please." I look up at him, and he looks back at me. "Do you love me? I mean all these months together, you, me and Dally, we've been a family. I've been there with you every step of the way. But was that because you love me? Or was it because you needed me?" I can literally hear his heart breaking as he's trying to get the words out of his mouth.