Broken Lantern

Chapter Five

When we pull into the driveway, I see my mom and Elaine standing on the front porch of my parents' house. They walk down the steps and wait at the last one for Kevin to pull in and park. He comes around to open my door for me, taking my hand to help me up. "How do I tell them that I know but you don't want me to tell anyone?" he asks, and I can hear the shakiness in his voice. He's a good man, he loves Darry's family and he's really come to love mine too. I know he doesn't want to keep this from them, but for some reason, I just can't bring myself to know. I know for sure, if our parents know, someone will let it slip and I really don't want to know.

I turn to our moms standing there on the bottom step, smiling excitedly, waiting to hear whether they're having a grandson, or a granddaughter and I say to them, "I don't know the sex of the baby. I don't want to know. I know you both are anxious to know, and you were looking forward to me pulling in and telling you, but I just couldn't do it." They stop smiling and look from me to Kevin and back to me again in disbelief. "What? Why? Did you not have the ultrasound then?" My mom asks, her voice trembling. Elaine hears it too and wraps her arm around my mom's shoulder, hugging her.

"I did. The baby is healthy and growing as it should." I tell them, trying to give them some good news.

Elaine speaks up, "You had the ultrasound, but they didn't tell you the sex?" She looks at both of us suspiciously.

"I know the sex", Kevin speaks up for me. "I'm so sorry", he says, putting his head down and turning to walk back to my house, shaking his head and kicking rocks in frustration all the way.

"What?!" My mom yells. "He knows? You let Kevin know, but we, the grandparents, we can't know? How is that even fair, Alley?"

Elaine looks at me, tears in her eyes, but she's much calmer than my mom. "Alice, dear, can you please tell us why you chose to let Kevin know but you don't want us to know?" My heart breaks for her and my mom, but I can't risk them letting it out.

"I don't want to know", I say, fighting back tears, hearing my voice begin to shake. "I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I don't want y'all to feel any more pain, but I can't risk it getting out and getting back to me. Please understand. I know that Kevin will never utter a word, to anyone. But you two and daddy and Bobby, y'all are so excited, as you should be, and I know it could slip out on accident and it would spread like wildfire through this small town. It would be back to me before dinner."

Elaine nods her head, understanding completely and comes over to hug me. "I get it, Alice. I really do. I respect your decision. I'm just happy to hear that you and the baby are healthy."

My mom is not happy, but she agrees with Elaine and hugs me before she turns to walk into her house, without saying a word.

I walk back to my house and walk inside, not really knowing what to expect. I know he's not happy. And I've never really seen Kevin upset before.

"I didn't like doing that, Alley. It's not fair to them. I shouldn't know this and them not know!" He says, pacing the length of the livingroom, his hands flying around as he speaks.

"I get it, Kev. I understand the frustration. But can you please try to understand where I'm coming from?" I beg him, sitting on the couch. "Darry was so sure that we were having a boy..." I begin to cry and bring my hands up to cover my face. Kevin is across the room in a second, falling to his knees in front of me, pulling me into his arms. I feel his lips push against my hair, but he doesn't dare kiss me. "Alley, please don't cry. I won't tell anyone. You know I won't."

I don't even care that he has called me Alley twice now. It's starting to feel normal to hear it again. Soothing even. He says it just the way Darry did. So soft and sweet and gentle, and full of... love? No. I'm just missing Darry, I tell myself and shake off the silly thought.