Runaway ( A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 33: Trip Down Memory Lane

'As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends forever'

I'm angry.

Angry at my thoughts. Angry at my body. Angry at my emotions.

I'm angry at myself. And embarrassed.

The one time I actually decide to let myself go a bit and just live in the moment, I just had to mess it up.

I was happy. Absolutely filled with joy last night. I let myself feel something for someone else and allowed them to comfort me by doing the simplest thing as opening up.

Now there's no doubt in my mind that I do like Harry in that way.

I have feelings for Harry.

I don't know if this revelation makes me want to cry in sadness or scream in excitement.

I could never tell him that. Harry doesn't feel that way about me.

I know that.

But a girl can dream.

Besides he like someone else anyway.

This is a huge deal for me though. Letting myself feel that way for someone again is a huge step for me.

After Blake, I didn't even think it was possible.

But it seems that as soon as I take a step forward, I take two steps back.

I shouldn't have let myself go overboard with the thinking. I shouldn't have put myself in that position.

I shouldn't have put Harry in that position. A position where he was clueless, felt helpless and probably filled with worry.

I really wish he would forget about it because I really want to forget the image of his hurt and worry filled face when I pushed him away.

I didn't mean to. It just happened and I could never forgive myself for it. It's confusing how I wanted him to touch me. To put his arms around me and hold me close to his chest just like last night and tell me that it was okay.

But it's like my body went into defense mode and rejected any form of comfort coming near it.

I was completely stunned when he stayed and sat next to me. To me, the way he handled everything was truly admirable.

I half expected him to be freaking out and tugging the life out of his hair.

Then again, there were moments when I wasn't really aware of what was going on around me so...

Nahhh I have faith that he didn't have a complete meltdown not knowing what to do. He's the most confident person I know.

A knock sounds on the door.

"You ready love?"

Love. It makes my heart skip a beat everytime he calls me that.

"Just a minute" I call out, finishing my lips with my favourite red lipstick in the mirror.

I look at myself in the mirror, calming my nerves and then proceed to open the bathroom door to find Harry on the otherside.

He inhales sharply and then breathes out "Breathtaking. Absolutely stunning"

I watch between him and my dress confused, fighting the smile threatening to appear "Seriously?"

He nods wordlessly as his tongue sticks out and wets his pink lips.