Miley's POV
Jason showing up here was a bit out of the blue, but I was handling it better than I thought I would. Though, my emotions were all over the place I was making sure that I didn't cry in front of him.
Every single time I looked at him or even thought of him my heart swelled with aching pain. At this point, I wasn't sure what to do around him.
I had listened to him and heard his words, but I don't think that I can jump into his arms just yet. I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to do that again and that thought hurt the most. I wanted this to be over...I wanted to start over with him, but I wasn't sure if I could trust him like that again.
We held a lot of history with one another. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Good times and bad times. And most of all...pain.
At some point or another, we have hurt each other almost beyond repair. I'm starting to think that we might not ever truly repair the damage we have done to one another. I didn't blame him entirely because I knew that I came into this relationship—or whatever it was—with my own baggage.
Yet, we had memories together. The good and the bad, and they all made me feel some type of way. Anytime I thought about our memories I felt overwhelmed with joy and love. I couldn't help how I felt about him, and I most definitely couldn't help with the fact that I was in love with him despite everything.
I had no doubt in my mind that Jason loved me. I knew and still know that he loves me. The kind of love that he gives and shows me is something I know I will never experience again. Only he can make me feel this way. But the pain was still there. The past was still there.
I was surprised when I found myself thinking about what might happen if we did give us another go...would we still have that spark? That love? What if we don't? Nothing would break my heart more than finding out that it truly was over between us.
I keep debating with myself over this very thought. Wouldn't it be better to leave things as they are and not try again to further damage one another? I don't want to lose the good memories and feelings. But what if we do give us another chance—with a clean slate—and we find true happiness and love that heals us and make us whole?
Ugh, there are pros and cons to every side. I drew my mind closed and took a deep breath as I continued to fake read the book in my hand.
I looked up and saw Jason talking to the leader of whatever these guys are. Jason looked like he was in a deep conversation and I found myself wanting to jump into his arms. Oh god, his arms. Muscular and comforting. I let out a sharp sigh and stood up and began walking into the kitchen. I had to stop my thought from getting wilder.
"Does anyone need anything?" I asked sending Jason and Jeff a glance.
"I made a bunch of sandwiches and stuck them in the fridge, so we have something when the power goes out," Jason said looking at me, and then back at Jeff. "I also made a big stew," I said pointing to the crockpot on the countertop.
"Do the guys outside need anything?" Jason asked Jeff.
"No, they brought some stuff to eat," Jeff said with a shrug.
"Thank you," Jeff said nodding at me. I sent a smile back and went up to my room.
I needed to breathe, and I couldn't seem to do that around Jason. Being away from him wouldn't help either but I needed to try something.
Every thought that filled my head was about him and how I wanted to be with him. This internal debate was raging, and I just wanted to handle this current problem before making any decisions regarding Jason and me.
