Save Me From Myself

Not Now

  I was about 30 ft from the front of the building when I heard footsteps quickly running up on me. My fear took over so I booked it as fast as I could. They were still coming, so I ran harder. I thought I heard someone calling my name but the blood was rushing through my ears so fast everything sounded muffled.

  Finally the dorm building was in sight but my legs were starting to give out and my lungs were protesting. I began to slow. No! No! They're still behind me, push harder! I told myself. It was to late, I felt a hand grab my shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut, excepting the worst. And then

  "Huh huh huh, geez Dani. Why'd you run away so fast. I was calling for you to stop but it's like you couldn't hear me."

  I knew that voice. I opened my eyes to a tired, annoyed Taylor. My body instantly relaxed and I fell to my butt, taking in deep breathes.

  "Sorry I thought you were some creepy guy trying to kidnap me." I joked, kind of. But he didn't need to know that.

  "Wow thanks. All I was gonna do was walk back with you so I could get my key, once you opened the door."

  Oh yeah that makes sense. "Sorry about that. Well come on then." I say after getting up off the ground.

  We walked back in silence. Not an awkward silence but a comfortable one. Both to tired from our mock race.

  Once I unlocked the door, I walked inside, grabbed my key off the desk and turned back to Taylor. He was reclining against the doorframe when I handed him his key.

  I went back to my desk to grab my book. Fully expecting him to be gone after hearing the door shut, I turned around with said book and jumped, dropping it.

  Taylor was standing right behind me, watching me with a look on his face I'd never seen before. I was starting to get concerned.

  "Taylor are you alright? I thought you were heading back to Finn and Gage?" His eyes snapped up to mine and it shocked me still. What was that emotion swimming behind them. I'd never seen it before.

  "Taylor?" I press again.

  "Where were you when you came back late last night?" He asked with a serious tone. Well I wasn't expecting that. I can't tell him I was at the music room, my only escape will be ruined.

  "I was at the library." I lied. And he knew it.

  "The library closes at 8. You got back after midnight. Try again" His tone left no room for argument. But sorry Taylor I don't answer to you.

  "Why do you care so much?" Honestly curious.

  "Because if there's anything you're doing that you shouldn't be, I should know. I am your roommate after all." He states flatly. I don't actually believe that's the real reason but I'll bite.

  "I thought you didn't see me as a roommate. Thought you were trying to get me to leave?"

  Now he was getting annoyed "You're right. I shouldn't even have bothered asking. No way you'd be up to anything sketch." He mocked.

  "Oh yeah and why's that? What if I was out with some shady guy or doing something illegal for cash?"

  "No chance. The whole idea is just plain ridiculous." He scoffs. That's when I notice how close we'd become. I could feel his breath of my face just then.

  "Yeah and why's that?" I press.

  "Because its you" He gestures to me.

  "Whats that supposed to mean?" Now I'm getting in his face.

  "I know you, I know your type. Sweet little girl, always getting what she wants." he smirks and taunts at me. Looking me up and down "And the good girl always falls for the bad boy. Do try and not fall in love with me, kay' sweetheart?"

  "No worries there. You couldn't pay me to love you" I retorted. Becoming bored with this whole conversation.

  Stepping further into my space, practically pressing himself into my body. "Now why's that?" he asks.

  "Because love doesn't exist" I can see my answer throws him off guard slightly. The cocky smirk on his face lessening.

  "Who are you Dani Shey" the question rhetorical, the desire behind his eyes; all to real.

  Before I can even register what is happening, I'm being kissed. His lips are moving on mine but I'm frozen. Petrified to the spot.

  I can feel the tears begin to fall. Dammit not now. Don't show weakness. Not in front of him. Not in front of anyone.

  But they aren't stopping and now Taylor can tell as well. He jumps away from me like he's been shocked. He takes in my teary face and his expression morphs from surprise to fear to pity. I hate pity. It makes me feel sick.

  "Dani, fuck. I'm so sorry." He goes to touch my arms. But I jerk back.

  "Don't touch me!" I cry. And he retracts his hands. His face showing more pity. It's always pity!

  I take off for the door, I need out of here. I need to be away from this room. From these emotions. From him.

  "Dani wait please!" I can hear Taylor yelling for me as I race down the hall.

  He's drawing attention. Now my anxiety is beginning to flare. I throw my hood up and head for the one place I feel calm. Hoping to god no one is in there.

  When I get to the music room I run right in. Not realizing that it wouldn't be unlocked unless Finn and Gage were still in there.

  "Dani?" My name startles me. I look up through my tears to see Finn. His face is full of concern. But I don't see any pity.

  "Dani what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Hes coming closer to me slowly. Like I'm a wild deer that he's afraid will spook.

  I look around the room, only Finn is in here. I'm safe. I break down, my anxiety and fear racking through my whole body.

  I stumble backwards and in a flash Finn is behind me. Helping guide me to the floor and into his arms. He pulls me into his lap and shushes me.

  He's playing with my hair and telling me I'm safe now. That I'm alright. But I'm not. I'll never truly be safe or alright. Not while he is still out there.

  Slowly my sobs break and my breathing evens out. My body feels so heavy now. I lean into Finns chest and close my eyes. Drifting off into a dreamless sleep.