Save Me From Myself

Distance

  The next morning Taylor and I went to the faculty office. We told them about the incident, so they pulled up the security cameras from that area. Apparently our school is fancy enough that the cameras also record sound. Meaning they heard everything the DA had said to provoke Taylor.

  The DA was fired and Taylor was suspended for 2 months. He took the punishment until they told him he wasn't allowed back on campus during that time. Then he fought them tooth and nail. I had to thank the dean for him and drag him out of the building.

  "Why did you start fighting. The guy could have pressed charges, you got lucky."

  "Two months not on campus Dani! 2 months!" He yelled, fists clenched and nails digging into his palms.

  "Yes, I know. I was there when he told you remember?" Utter confusion on my face. Why was he reacting this way? I understand being upset by the suspension but there was something else bothering him.

  "Taylor, why are you so upset?" I calmly ask, looking into his eyes.

  "I won't be able to use the cafeteria." He deadpans, obviously a lie.

  "Try again Taylor" I push, crossing my arms over my chest and giving him a stern look.

  His eyes leave mine and then he whispers something under his breath. "What was that? Speak up"

  "I won't be here to protect you!" He yells as his eyes flash back to mine. He steps closer and raises his hand to brush against my cheek. His gaze shifting to the contact.

  "Who's going to keep you safe if I'm not here." He whispers sadly

  I place my hand over his and smile. His eyes meet mine again. "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I'll be fine. Im good at keeping my head down and being invisible now."

  He sighs and then says something very quietly that sounds like 'you've never been invisible' He retracts his hand, steps back then begins to walk back towards the dorm.

***

  School started about a month ago. My classes have been alright, nothing to eventful. Taylor texts me so often checking on me I had to turn my phone off just to study.

  I'm been effectively keeping my head down and not drawing attention. I sit towards the back of the room, don't raise my hand to answer and head straight back to my dorm after class.

  At night Finn and Gage come to collect me for dinner. Gage has opened up to me more. We have a night class together. Neither of us talk much in their, but it's nice to have someone to sit next to that you know.

  To a stranger it may not seem that Gage has changed. He still has his cold expression and cocky eye roll, but when I wave him over in class I can see the hint of a smile on his face.

  We're at dinner right now and Finn is imitating a walrus, with two straws stuck in his upper lip and clapping his hands together. Taylor is set up on FaceTime, yelling at him to 'stop being a dipshit' and Gage is smirking behind his hand.

  Looking over the whole scene I feel so happy to have these boys in my life. Then a thought occurs to me, they're always doing so much for me. But I do nothing in return. Even telling them my story was about me.

  They act like they like having me around but what if it's just because they feel obligated to do so. Being Taylors roommate and mentally unstable, what if it's only because they pity me.

  Why would guys like them, who everyone knows and are stopped multiple times a day to be talked to, want to be friends with me.

  The thought makes my heart ache. I've done nothing but be a burden to them. Finn gave me unlimited access to his families music room, even says it's alright when I interrupt their sessions.

  Gage has to put up with my presence when I know he doesn't like me.

  And Taylor, I got Taylor freaking suspended. If he wasn't protecting me, he would have never punched the DA.

  Abruptly I stand from the table, shocking Finn out mid walrus clap. His grin drops and he eyes me cautiously. Gage turns his attention to me, squinting his eyes.

  "Dani?" I hear Taylor question from where he's propped up against the napkin dispenser.

  I look between their faces. Confused and worried.

  "Um, I've.. I've gotta go." I say while quickly gathering my things.

  "Dani!? Hey wait!" I can hear Finn calling me as I throw my food into the trash and run out the door.

  I need to distance myself from them. Let them return to their usual lives. I bring nothing but trouble. Not being associated with me will keep them safe.

  Once I get inside my dorm I shut the door and lock it. I sit on the ground in front of my bed, grab my comforter, wrap it around me and begin to cry.

  Knock knock "Dan?" Finns voice is quite from behind the door. He trys the handle, finding it locked. "Dan please open the door"

  'Distance yourself from them. Keep them safe. They'll go back to their normal lives. They'll be happier not feeling obligated to care for you'

  These are the thoughts that run though my mind while Finn continues to try and get me to open the door.

  Eventually he leaves with a "goodnight Dani" Once he's gone my phone starts ringing. It's Tay- Ryland. No more nicknames.

  I ignore the calls and burry my head into the blanket. Eventually they stop too. I spend a little while longer on the floor before I start to feel tired. It's 9, I'd usually be in the music room at this time.

  They music room. My safe space. They'll look for me there. I need to stay away for a while until they give up.

  Eventually they'll give up. Everyone does.