Save Me From Myself

Exposed

  It's been over a week since the night I revealed everything to Finn and Taylor.

  The morning I woke up in Taylors bed I freaked out. Shoving him onto the floor and throwing a pillow at his shocked face before remembering the night before.

  Thankfully he laughed it off and only got back at me slightly by putting garlic in my underwear drawer. It took 4 wash cycles to get the smell out.

  I've been spending most of my time alone still, but I'll meet them for lunch or breakfast. Gage has started to accept my presence as well. He's still as cold as ever but that's alright with me.

  Every night I go to the music room and loose myself in the music. Taylor hasn't been in the past few times I've come back late. But he's always there in the morning. I don't ask about it, because I'm sure he's with a girl those nights. That's his business.

  Right now it's one of the rare times we're both in the room at night. I started practicing on my guitar and Taylor immediately stopped me. Throwing a pillow at me and yelling that his ears were bleeding. I usually pick up instruments quickly, but the guitar is alluding me.

  "If you're so annoyed, why don't you teach me? I know you can play. Finn told me." I grovel while throwing his pillow back at him.

  "Because I don't have the time or talent to fix that." He gestures to me, smirking.

  "Wow. Rude. I'm trying my best here" I say annoyed.

  He just laughs and gets up. Saluting me before heading out the door.

  "And he's gone." Every time I bring up teaching me, he makes up an excuse and then leaves.

  Maybe I should stop asking. It could be like when they sneak up on me. Makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe its the same for him with the guitar. Especially since I've never seen him pick one up, even when I offer.

  I shrug it off. I'll just practice on my own. Speaking of practice it's 8 now. I should start heading to the music room.

  Finn gave me a copy of the key a few days back. Its been so much easier to access the room, since I don't have to track him down everytime to let me in.

  Grabbing my bag, I put my dorm key in the pocket. Pull on my hoodie, throw my headphones in and leave. Locking the door behind me. Hopefully Taylor has his key.

  The campus is pretty empty at this time. Most people are either eating dinner or back in their dorm buildings. So I quickly make my way accross campus. When I get there, Finn is in the room with Gage. They're working on a mix of some sort. So I just wave hello and go drop my things off in the corner.

  "Hey guys. How's the mix coming? Working on a new piece for Taylor?" I ask genuinely intrigued.

  "Something like that. He said hes writing a song but didn't know what the tempo should be since its so differen- ow Gage! What was that for!" Finn grips his arm where Gage punched him. Gage was giving him a look of 'shut up or I'll murder you'

  Finn must have realized what he said because he was mouthing 'oh' and then glanced at me, sheepishly smiled and said

  "Sorry Dan. We aren't supposed to talk about it. Whoops"

  "Oh um ok. I understand. Don't worry about it. But hopefully you'll let me hear it when you can." I smile at them and then put my headphones back in and sit on the couch.

  I don't play around anyone but Finn. I wouldn't even have played in front of him, but he walked in on me once. After that night, he begged to let him help compose something. I told him I'd think about it.

  Now whenever I play and he's here, he'll lay on the couch and just listen to the melody. Then after a while he'll say good night and lock the door on his way out.

  After a while Gage leaves. I pull my headphones out and put my phone into my bag. I take my position at the keys and Finn takes his on the couch. As I begin to play he starts to say something

  "That melody is so beautiful. Do you have a song that goes with it?"

  "I've wrote something but it's not very good." I answer honestly.

  "Could I hear it? I can hear you humming something whenever you play. It sounds nice." He speaks softly. Returning to a more comfortable position.

  "Not yet. I'm not ready for anyone to hear it yet." then in a whisper "or maybe ever"

  "What was the last part? I didn't hear you." He gives me a questioning look. I just shake my head and continue playing.

  We stay like that for some time before he finally stands. Giving me a squeeze on the shoulder and a goodnight.

  The song I've been humming huh? It's nothing special. Just something I wrote to express my feelings. I'll most likely never let anyone hear it.

  I only sing it in this room. In my safe haven. I let out my feelings to these padded walls. It usually ends in tears. Another reason I won't play it for anyone.

  I glance behind me to check the door is shut. Looking around the room to make sure I'm truly alone. I get up, dim most of the lights and return to the piano keys.

  My song. I place my fingers above the starting keys. Inhale deeply, exhale, and start to play.

(Listen to full song to understand rest of chapter.)

During the song I hear a voice say 'wow' and it startles me. I stop playing and spin around.

  Taylor is standing in the doorway, eyes wide and mouth open. Giving me a strange look. I quickly close the lid over the keys and prepare to make a run for it.

  "Wait!" I jump "Please wait. Please keep playing. I want to hear the rest." Taylor pleads to me, raising his hand as if it will hold me in place. "Actually can you start over? I want to hear it from the beginning."

  Well it's to late now. I don't know how much he heard. Might as well play it through to the end. I sit back down and face away from him. Pulling open the cover and nodding my head.

  I hear him shut the door and walk around to the side of me. Taking a seat on the couch. When I glance over to him he's looking at me intently. It makes me feel uncomfortable, so I shut my eyes.

  "You're going to play with your eyes closed?" He questions.

  "I have to pretend I'm alone or I won't be able to do this." I answer quietly.

  I glance in his direction again when I hear shuffling. He's turning off the rest of the lights around the room. Only the small light above the piano is on now. Effectively making him invisible in the dark.

I take a deep breathe and begin again.