anathema//spam book

exhausted

tw: mild suicidal ideation

i'm so tired all the damn time. i keep waking up late for school, and getting yelled at. when i am awake, all i want is to go back to sleep. i don't want to be here anymore. everything hurts all the fucking time and i don't ever feel enough or like i should keep going because the world will move on without me.
my dad picked me up today and the car reeked of cigarettes. i opened the window, to air it out, because i wanted him— needed him to know that i knew what was going on.
my back is in constant pain from binding and i hate that i have to hurt myself to pass as a guy, even a little and when i do, it doesn't fucking help at all.
i just need it all to fucking stop. i need it to slow down, rewind or stop. i need this all to just be over.

stay safe and stay chill my lovelies