The Farm at Willow Run Creek

20

My heart is to blame.....

Sasha was shattered, the one person she truly loved took her heart and broke it into a million pieces. Jenna thought for a moment before entering the farmhouse. Colin stood in the kitchen preparing a late evening dinner, "Hey," He looked at her seeing the color drained from her face, "I suppose you ended things with her?" He stirred the pot on the stove as he asked, "I, uh, I hope you don't mind, I'm not hungry, I'm going to go up and shower," She didn't firmly answer his question he eyed her wondering what had happened. Jenna towel dried her hair staring at her face in the mirror. She sulked her heart sick she felt tormented and to blame for things.

Colin brought a tray with soup and hot tea upstairs to her she sat on the side of the bed her look pensive. "You need to eat," He sat the tray on the night stand, "Thank you, but I'm not hungry," She rubbed her face with her hands, tears welled up in her eyes. "I need to be alone if you don't mind," Jenna told Colin, "I understand," His tone mild his heart ached knowing he was loosing her regardless of the tight grip he held on her. Jenna stood slowly walking to the window and gazing out. The dimly lit farm across the road, a comfort as it had always been she sobbed her hand grasped the curtain sucking in an emotional breath she closed it returning to the bed.

Jenna's night was restless, Colin slept peacefully next to her she gazed at the clock on the wall, it read seven, "Colin," She shook his arm he moved a little letting out a deep breath, "You're going to be late for work," She sat up, "Relax, I'm here with you," He gently pulled her back down. "You took off for me?" She pointed to herself, "I did, I felt you needed me" She gathered the covers back up around her. "You never felt that way towards me before," She meekly remark. "I've never been in that position," He hesitated briefly, "Look, I don't want to argue, but we should talk," He began.

"Ok," She was open to listening to what he had to say. "I didn't bring it up last night, I knew you were hurting and it wouldn't have been much use, but I have to know, how do you feel?" She rolled on her side and looked at him. "I love her Colin," She tried to ease herself, "But, I ended things because I'm married to you and I made a commitment, we should try and work on what we have, it will take time and I'm sure there will be obstacles in our way," She warned him he smiled wildly, "I promise, I'll make it up to you, somehow, someway," He embraced her.

"We need a fresh start," Colin moaned in saying, "What did you have in mind?" She asked staring at the ceiling, "Christmas will  be here soon, I think a trip away is just what we need, can you make arrangements at the hospital?" He asked with some excitement in his voice, "Dr. Gaines has been away quite a bit, I don't see it as a problem, with winter here things will be much slower," She rehearsed, "Good," He sat up, "I'll make us coffee and if your lucky breakfast," He rolled out of the bed, Jenna lie there eat up with guilt and pain, a chance to get away is just what she needed.

"Hey mom," Sloan was on the other end of the phone, "Hey yourself," She replied in a solemn tone, "I guess things didn't work out?" She hesitated in question, "No they didn't and to be honest, its for the best, I can't live with some who can't accept what choices they've made, hiding isn't my idea of a relationship," She voiced sternly, "Have you talked to grandmother at all?" She asked, "No, I'm sure she's just buried in shameful shit," They both laughed at her remark. "It's Christmas soon, I was thinking a few weeks at the farm," Sloan announced. "I think that's a wonderful idea," Sasha hung up, gazing out the window, the farm blanketed by a slow and steady snowfall.

Colin dressed, "I'm sorry, I have a call to the university," Jenna sighed, "It's late," She remarked, "I've been expecting this call and conference, I promise I won't be too long," He bent down and tenderly kissed her lips, "Be careful, the snow is getting heavier," She followed him to the door, "I'll go slow, I'll text when I'm on my way home," He left leaving her to feel alone again and unoccupied. Jenna began to pace thinking of Sasha and how she left things, without another thought she slung her coat on and walked gingerly across the road.