Temptation

15 - Hero

I don't know when I fell asleep last night and by the time my alarm goes off at 2:30AM, I know it wasn't a very long sleep—it was more of a nap. I skip my morning workout and shower instead just throwing on a pair of grey sweats and a white crewneck, my black high-tops and start the coffee. I make enough coffee and keep it on so that Madden can have a cup or two by the time she wakes up. I grab a sticky note from the counter and write:

Went to set. Call you on lunch. Please don't leave!

I leave the sticky note on her bedside table. I leave as quietly as possible and it takes a lot of convincing but managed to bribe DJ to stay outside the apartment door to make sure Madden is safe. Now all I have to do is order him a brand-new Xbox One. In order to be stealthy, DJ tosses me the keys to the blacked-out SUV, hopefully it will be less likely for me to be caught in the SUV. 

I'm half asleep throughout the whole drive to set and all I can think about is Madden. I hope she doesn't leave. I hope she can entertain herself. I hope she doesn't get DJ to bring her home. When I arrive on set, I head to my trailer, instead of keeping my phone there, I decide to give it to Mara just in case I get a text I need to answer. Mara walks with me to hair and makeup and she's prying, "What's going on with you?" "What do you mean?" I ask her even though I know the context of her question. "It's 3AM and your fucking happy. Don't try to tell me you aren't because I've known you since you were 9. I know when your actually happy." Fuck. "There is this girl—" she cuts me off before I can even start, "I don't want to hear it." She warns, "Just focus when you are here." She's judging me on the inside, but I know she just cares. Mara is the closest thing I have to a mum, so I don't give her too much hell on the topic.

While Emma is doing my hair and makeup for the sex scene, I send a quick text to Madden, knowing she's asleep but she will get it when she wakes up:
If you need anything at all, DJ is just outside the apartment door but feel free to text me whenever!

10 minutes go by and Emma has finished the 'hot, sweaty sex' look, and she sends me off to set. Before I hand my phone to Mara, I check my texts to see one from Madden: Have a good day on set <3

She sent a fucking heart! I'm fucking smiling and it shows. On the inside, I feel gitty as fuck, like a schoolgirl going on a field trip. What the fuck is wrong with me? 

* * *

During my first scene with Josephine, I am directed to kiss her. Every time I go in for a kiss, I feel like I'm going to puke. By the sixth take I finally am able to kiss her, and my thoughts are distracted. This isn't the girl waiting for me at my apartment. Madden is so much more beautiful in a subtle way. Madden's tongue is softer against mine. This is not my girl. Madden isn't really my girl, but I want her to be my girl. Fuck when is this going to be over? Finally, Josephine releases her venomous lips from mine and the scene is over. My director is really fucking pissed at me right now. We wasted half the day on one scene, he's not even giving me a fucking lunch break now. I yell at Mara to give my phone while I'm getting my hair fixed once again. There is a text from Madden: DJ just went to get me some lunch. Do you know when you will be back? Truthfully, I have no idea when I'm getting back and she probably wants to wear her own clothes. I'm not sure. I fucked up a few scenes, so we are running behind. I'm going to call DJ to bring you to your apartment and if you want to come back for another night you can just grab your clothes, or you can stay home. Up to you. Her response is quick: What do you want me to do?

Before I get yelled at from my director, I call Madden to let her know that my lunch has been taken away from me because of stupidity. She laughs it off and tells me that after lunch, DJ is going to take her to her apartment to pick up a few clothes. "Grab clothes for more than one night." I say to her hoping it doesn't freak her out. She doesn't acknowledge my comment and she continues to tell me that they are also going to head to the grocery store because she says I have no food. She isn't wrong, I just don't cook so I've been living off of cereal and toast. "HERO! GET YOUR BRITISH ASS ON SET!" Turns out the director has been yelling at me for a couple of minutes, and now he's really pissed off. Madden even heard him, "Looks like you better go. I'll see you later." I say goodbye and go to face the director.

The director is really fucking frustrated with me today. He needs to get laid. Mara is also annoyed with me too and now she's lecturing me about work. "Work comes first. I don't know what has gotten into you but you're fucking with everyone's scenes today. Get it together," and she lightly smacks me on the back of my head.