Temptation

62 - Madden

It was only eight days without Hero and each day only got worse. I thought by leaving him things would be better, for the both of us and that Josephine and the stupid rumours would stop but I was wrong. Now, being home with Hero in London, I feel like I can finally breath again.

* * *

Day One: I woke up in our bed in LA and turned over to an empty side. Hero wasn't there for me to turn to and that was a reminder of the events that took place hours before. I spent the entire day starring at my phone, watching the screen as Hero called me multiple times and texted. I couldn't answer him, no matter how hard it was for me not to.

Day Two: I woke up again, sad that Hero wasn't with me. The heartache I was feeling grew over night. With only a few hours of sleep, I had to make myself coffee but when I did, I just am reminded of the time Hero fucked me here. I tried to pick a movie that Hero wasn't in but found myself drawn to seeing him, so I spent the day marathoning his movies. Before I decided to take my depression into bed, I got a call from an unknown number and without thinking, I answer. It was Josephine calling to attack me some more.

Day Three: I woke up to see all over social media that Hero was out all night at a bar. Probably drinking away all his anger. I really wanted to call him, and I wanted to hear his voice so that I knew he was fine but based off all the pictures I saw, I knew that he wasn't fine. If I called him, I believed things would be worse. On day three, I spent my time trying to ignore everything that was going around in the media, so I shut down, and just read a novel I found in Hero's bookshelf; the one he always quotes—Wuthering Heights. I secretly want to be able to memorize this novel like Hero has so that I can come back at him with quotes from Brontë. "You know that I could as soon forget you as my existence!" and yet this quote is far from relevant.

Day Four: Hero tried calling me again, and I spend the entire day starring at my phone until I fall asleep, telling myself that I will pick up if he calls again because this is agonizing. My days are practically spent starring at my phone, waiting for him to call, ignoring his calls and making sure my phone is fully charged in order to receive his calls. I tried to occupy myself with silly phone games, but none kept my mind distracted while I wished for a text or another call from Hero, willing to potentially pick it up this time but he never did, and I found myself crying; thinking he's given up.

Day Five: The media tells me Hero spent another night at the bar. I worried for him; he seemed to be drinking away his pain and it's not getting any better. I pick up my phone with the urge to call him but instead, I resist. I don't know why I am doing this to myself or to him. All my reasons to leave Hero seem to be irrelevant and fucking stupid now. I tried to hold myself together, but the heartache has me crying almost every single day and the loneliness I felt in that big house did not help it. On day five, I'm visited by a surprising guest: Mara. Mara and I sit to talk, having a glass of wine each and we try to figure out what needs to happen. Mara does offer to file a lawsuit on Josephine for sharing my private information, yet I know it would only make things worse. Before Mara left me, she asked me; "Please reconsider? He's a mess." Her words cut my heart open and it's bleeding all over the fucking place. I spent my entire night, awake and in tears thinking about the pain I've caused myself and Hero.

Day Six: This day is spent like every other day; alone and in misery. I find myself searching through Hero's home for some piece of him that I can hold onto and instead, I start packing my bags. I made a decision and that decision settled my mind.

Day Seven: It's the middle of the day and Hero is calling me. I figured I should answer so that I can tell him the choice I made but the man on the other line is not Hero, it's Rhys and he is being extremely rude. He is calling me crude names and commenting on my body, sexually. I hang up the phone after getting tired of asking for Hero and he never put him on. All I wanted was to hear Hero's voice, so that I knew he was okay, and I should have stayed on that line until he eventually put Hero on. While I sleep, I'm woken by a call very late in the night and it's Mara telling me that Hero has gotten himself in the hospital from an overdose. I grab all the packed bags, Mara sends a car to pick me up and within hours, I was on a plane, headed to London.