Temptation

84 - Madden

I can't breathe. When I get back into the car, after confronting Hero on the street, I cannot breathe. My heart is literally pounding from my chest, Tom is driving like a criminal, trying to flee the scene and I am sitting in the passenger seat having a panic attack. Tom places his hand on my thigh just like Hero used to do.

All month, I've fought for the man I love. I watched him destroy himself with drugs and alcohol; I let him yell at me and make a fool of me with that stupid brunette. I couldn't do it anymore; I couldn't watch him hurt himself anymore, so I walked away. Hero chose to leave me and now, saying goodbye for real feels like someone just took a knife to my chest.

At the airport, Tom and I are approached by paparazzi, taking photos of us and questioning us. I try to hide my face so they cannot question my state but it's tough trying to look ahead and look down at the same time. Tom takes my hand, to lead me through and that's when the paparazzi start making claims. "Tom, is Madden your new girlfriend? Madden, are you and Hero over? Where's Hero?" I squeeze Tom's hand and he starts walking faster so that we can get to his jet quicker.

* * *

I sit on the jet, looking out the window as we prepare for takeoff. For some reason, I pray that I see Hero, come running towards the plane, trying to get me back but the plane takes off, and there is no sign of Hero.

* * *

Tom gets me set up in his guest room in his new home. He told me that after the almost rape, he bought a new house—a smaller house. His security guard has already gotten my things from Hero's home and I spend the night with Tom, unpacking everything. In the midst of my disastrous breakup and a move, I'm caught off guard by how charming Tom really is. His smile is crocked, and I remember seeing a meme once that it looks like he has a frog in his mouth which makes me laugh when I'm looking at him. "What's up?" He asks as he folds my clothes into the dresser. "The meme is so true. It does look like you have a frog in your mouth!" We both start laughing together; I haven't laughed this hard in a month. He is so kind to be taking me in throughout all of this; I just couldn't stay in that house and sleep in the bed that I shared with Hero.

It was the day that I left looking for Hero with DJ. Tom had called me, but I sent him to voicemail and didn't call him back until after I tried to get Hero to come home with me. I told Tom everything that happened and eventually asked him why he was calling me in the first place. He was just trying to check in on me after the man tried to rape me and then he ended up coming to LA and renting out a small apartment just on a monthly basis, until I figured my shit out. Every morning of this past month, Tom has watched me get ready to conquer the mess that is Hero, torture myself and when I'd come back, Tom was my shoulder to cry on. Living with Tom for the month gave him the idea to let me come live with him in London which I only decided a few days ago to do. I was tired of the back and forth with Hero, I got tired of listening to his cruel words and I needed to let myself feel the pain of this breakup in order to be able to move on from it. It was clear to me that Hero was done with himself which meant he was done with me.

* * *

I try to fall asleep but find myself scrolling through all the memories I have on my phone with Hero. Deleting all the pictures I have of us, deleting the text messages I have held onto and deleting his number in my phone. As I get rid of his number, I receive a text from Mara.

He's in rehab.

I choose to ignore this message from her. If I let myself get caught up in this again, I just go back to where I was. I need to move on.