Hum aur Tum

Part 16: Ishita

"Hi Raman, where have you been? Ruhi has been missing you so much", I tell him when I see him entering the house. Ruhi runs to hug him. I feel him struggle to keep the smile on his face, I know something is wrong immediately.

"Raman."
"Ishita."

I laugh and he smiles a little. Once again, both of us find our words at the same time.

"Ishita, actually-"

"Yes Raman, what happened? Is everything alright? You seem a little troubled."

"Actually, Ishita- I went to umm- to Pune, well...to meet your parents."

My what? How dare he? How can he do so without even asking me about it? Why?
I stare flabbergasted at him, with a fury brewing at the core of my body that I want to immediately unleash at him.

"Ishita...actually..."

"Aunty, could you please take Ruhi upstairs, please ?", I tell Raman's mother.

I continue to stare at him and wait until I clearly hear Ruhi's door click.

"How dare you!? What do you think of yourself? Who the hell do you think you are? What do you want to prove by doing all this, tell me, you want to prove how great you are and how bad am I, isn't it?"

I look at him and wait for him to answer. His head is lowered and he maintains his silence.
I continue, it seems like my words may never stop today.

"Did you get your answers already or should I tell you now? Oh yeah, I am sure you already got to know that I fled from there then, yes I did! Are you happy now? Are you satisfied now or you want to meet someone else to ask about me?"

I continue to shout until I find myself getting weak and I start to fall on the sofa. I see him try to come forward to support me, but I stop him.

I sink myself in the sofa seat, "maybe that is my biggest mistake that I trusted you. I trusted you a lot. I think that I trust everyone a little too quickly. Why did you do it Raman, why? Maybe this is the last time I am ever trusting anyone else Raman, you gave me my biggest lesson today. I will be gone in some time, Raman, I will go and pack my bags now. Raman, you should not have done it! "

The main door clicks open. I turn to find her entering the house. My eyes twitch with tears. Am I dreaming, how is she here? I slowly turn towards Raman and see him looking at her too. It means that I am not the only one to see Mihika. I feel her approaching me and all I can do is crouch deeper in the sofa seat. All of a sudden, as if Mihika was transparent, I see right through her and find who follows.
How is this even possible?
Even if all three of them approach me, I still stare right at the door, unable to absorb what my eyes have just seen.

Amma stands right next to me. I can tell that she is already crying but I am unable to look at her. When I finally muster the courage to do so, I see her stop crying, and- the next thing I feel is- a burning sensation on my cheek.

The slap breaks my trance. I start wailing. I feel Raman try to leave, but my hands grab his wrist, I want him to be here with me, next to me.
I fall at amma's feet, I cry her name. I wail my heart out, I cry an ocean of tears.
How did I even manage to stay so far from them for so long? How did I muster the courage to? How did I survive?

After a long time at amma's feet, appa lifts me up and makes me sit on the couch. Amma quickly wipes my tears off with her saree. Mihika sits right next to me. Oh my small sister, how much she has grown, I think as I hug her so tightly.

"Ishita, where have you been my child? Do you even know what we went through dear?", appa asks me.

"I am sorry appa. It was just that...there were so many things happening at that time. I could not think straight, I just wanted to get away from there, but believe me appa, there is not a day that I did not regret my decision, that I did not miss you all. I am so sorry... "

Amma hugs me tighter. Oh how much I have missed her, her warmth, her affection.
Talking to them and seeing them in front of my eyes after so long still feel like a dream, too real to be true. We spend a long time talking with each other and even Raman leaves to help his mother in the kitchen.

"Ishu dear", my amma suddenly says, "tell me something, as much as I know you, I know you have always been a very strong girl always. I want to know what made you actually leave. I always thought that my daughter is strong enough to get over whatever might have been that boy's decision. Please tell me Ishu, please tell us now, please unburden everyone now... "

And here it is finally. What I was so scared of answering... Here the question has finally been asked. I will finally be able to reveal what I have buried inside my heart for 9 years now. Today, strangely, I do not fear the consequences, I know I have my parents right next to me, today nothing will stop me.
And I start, with a strange sense of freedom in my words even if I am telling them the worst thing of my life, the dreadful thing that made me leave in the first place.

All three of them stared at me dismayed and disheartened. It feels like they are reliving what I had been through that day. A smile forms on my lips after I finish telling it to them. I feel an unknown sense of victory as if I have finally done what I thought I'd never ever be able to do.

After that, amidst cries, amma tells me, "I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this alone dear. How did you even think that we will not understand or forgive you Ishu? What do you think? Is it how much you trust us Ishu, is this how much you love us?"

"I am sorry. I am so sorry... It was so hard at that time. I could not understand anything amma. Please stop crying all of you now, please stop...and actually wait..."

I called out to Raman. When he arrives in the living room, "go bring her downstairs", I tell him.

All three of them look curiously at me and Raman as they await an explanation from either of us.