The Untelling of Love & Happiness

Reality Checks Cash Differently

Chp. 1: Familiar

"Cardboard cutout, sharp teeth, smart mouth/ Smile big, small waist, big hips, cut paste/ Prom queen, mean chick, teen mom, bad bitch/ Real bad advice, can't fool me twice..."
-Chance The Rapper

Lying in bed, I sobbed like Mary at the foot of the cross. My crying spells only seemed to get worse, nowadays! They literally happen out of nowhere. Last night, I was uber excited about today. Yet, this morning, I woke up almost two hours before my alarm clock, in a panic frenzy. Trying to calm myself, I hummed under my breath. The hope was to drown out my cries. I didn't want to wake or alert Meme and Corey. I kept thinking, 'Just pick up the phone, Kandace. Pick up the phone and call him. Stop torturing yourself!' But the truth? The truth is that I had burned all of my bridges. And now? Now, the boat that I was using to get across the river had begun to sink. I was a mess. Not always. Not like the old me. But right now, at this moment? It was messy. I was messy.

My sniffles intensified, causing my body to jerk violently. I simply wanted to hear his voice and to say I was sorry and to ask for his forgiveness. He didn't even have to truly forgive me. All the same, a nonchalant lie would be satisfying at this point. I just wanted my friend back. My baby. My world. I wanted everything to be alright. And I needed to hear him say it.

I aggressively turned onto my other side. The digital clock, sitting on my nightstand, read 4:13am. Soon, a feeling of rage flew over my body. I sat up in bed with tears dripping from my chin. It was sort of pathetic, looking back. Suddenly, my phone buzzed. Then again. Then a minute went by. Next, about five more buzzes in a row. It had to be my cousins in our group text. Nobody else would dare interrupt my sleep.

😂🥰my Cuz n Nem🤩😎

Nisey Nise💓
Y'all sleep or nah?! 👀 I can't sleep! I'm too excited.

Annie💓
Lord! 🤦🏽‍♀️ Yes, we sleep, Nise. It's 4:37am, girl! 🤔🙄

Jason💓
I'm not sleep. 🎮

Daisy💓
📺 Me either. I'm too excited. 🤪

Nisey Nise💓
😍 Aww, that baby going to middle school. You make sure you show sixth grade how it's done. 😎

Daisy💓
I don't know how it's done. 😐

RayRay💓
Of course y'all still up, it's still early in Vegas.

Me
I can't sleep either. 😔

Nisey Nise💓
It's done by continuing to be you and you only. 😘 You know Auntie Wendy gon' yank you up if you come home acting brand new. 💀

Jason💓
I'll yank her ass up, too. 😤

RayRay💓
🤣🤣 Shut up, Nise! And you too, Jase. Hush! 😂

RayRay💓
What's wrong, Kandy?! 😩

Me
Just up, worrying. But I'll be okay. I'm excited about school, too, though. My first day at Jefferson! I can be whoever I want because nobody knows me.