The Untelling of Love & Happiness

The Universe 101; cont'd 8

Chp. 8: Shipwrecked

"Oh Lord we're sinking, God knows we fall/ Set sail for Heaven, pray my soul won't get lost/ Pray God accepts me, I know I'm wrong..."
-Mick Jenkins

Aight, so what's the name of that old ass cartoon were the teacher teachin' or whatever but ain't sayin' nothing? All her words sound like a saxophone or some shit? Well, nigga that's me right now. We about to take a test and I ain't listenin' to nothing that Mr. Lan is sayin'. I've been hella anxious lately; antsy and skittish and shit. I feel like I'm comin' unglued. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. It's been this way for a minute now. I'm like a zombie, idly moving through space and time with no real or obvious point and purpose. I hate this shit. It's like, if only I could talk to Lil Bit, she'll help make sense of all this randomness for me.

My heart started racin' as everybody began to clear their desks. I was trippin'. Like, nervous I guess. I don't know why, though, 'cause I'm pretty good at this Math shit. Now if you give me some English or Grammar or Spelling or some shit like that, that's a whole different story. I looked across the classroom at Yesenia. She wasn't clearin' her desk. She was too busy fixin' her hair, usin' her phone's camera. I got that lil' fuzzy feelin' again but then felt sick to my stomach. I took a deep breath and licked my lips.

Shit! Charlie Brown, that's the cartoon I was thinkin' of. Yeah, this whole situation got me trippin'. This school shit is drainin', bro! I hate it! I might as well gone ahead and drop the fuck out.

"Okay. I'm setting the timer for 45-minutes." Mr. Lan informed.

I raised my hand.

Mr. Lan looked to my direction, "Yes Trevor?"

"Aye, can I go to the nurse?"

Everybody laughed. I wasn't even tryna be funny, though. I can probably pass this test in my sleep. But a nigga really don't feel good. My stomach was doin' cartwheels and if I needed to shit then I was finna do it in the privacy of the nurse's office. 

"Come on, Trevor! Can it wait until after my test?" Mr. Lan frowned. Truthfully, I actually like his class. He's young and Asian... And one of those good teachers that ended up teachin' at a bullshit, underperformin' ass school. And he cares so much about Math and his students and teachin' Math to his students but none of the students appreciate his dedication. It sorta sucks, honestly. "You've been slippin' lately. What's up? Come talk to me in the hallway."

I didn't move. I can't exactly say why but I just know that I didn't want everybody starin' at me. Mr. Lan started the timer.

"All eyes need to be on your own paper." He warned, gesturin' me to meet him at the classroom door.

I sat for maybe a minute. The only reason I attempted to get up was 'cause I felt myself about to tear up. When I sniffled, Yesenia looked towards me. Her expression took the wind out of me. I broke down, probably lookin' like a bitch to everybody in the room.

"Mr. Lan!" A girl yelled. "He crying!"

Everybody started laughin' again. Mr. Lan reentered the room. He walked over to my desk and squatted down next to me.