The Untelling of Love & Happiness

Like Reconstructive Surgery; cont'd 2

Chp. 2: Ride For Me

"They say change'll never come, everybody know me now/ Gotta keep that pole on me, every time I roll around/ Baby, I ain't never change, you just gotta hold me down..."
-MO3

When I got upstairs, my heart started racing. I couldn't believe we were actually in a trap house, yet the fiends in the hallway reminded me that it was real and that I was awake. Kenneth let go of my hand.

"Go in there. I'm right behind you." Kenneth mentioned.

I entered the bedroom. Instead of sitting on the bed, I stood. I didn't want to get too comfortable. I didn't know what all was actually about to happen. I could hear Kenneth on the other side of the door but couldn't make out his conversation. That worried me. Why wasn't I in the loop of things? To me, it seemed he was treating the situation as if I was some random chick, instead of his long-time girlfriend that he loves and respects. Why wasn't he holding me down like he needed me to do for him? I wanted a say so in some of this. Before falling too deep into my thoughts, Kenneth enter the bedroom.

"Okay. I promise, you have nothing to worry about." He said, pulling me into a tight hug. "Girls do this all the time."

I smacked, "Kenny, that don't make me feel no better. I'm not girls. I'm your girlfriend. You shouldn't even be asking me nothing like this. You said you'd never pull me into the gang life ever again. You lied." I held him tightly, refusing to let go. "...And I'm scared."

Kenneth sighed, "...So I'm not telling you shit. If we do get stopped, which we won't. I don't want you to know shit."

More tears slid down my cheeks. Kenneth began to kiss me in a passionate way. I didn't know what to think. I hoped that he wasn't trying to fuck me here in this damn trap house. And I hoped he wasn't trying to use sex to calm me—it's not gonna work.

"Take off your jeans and panties." Kenneth instructed between kisses.

I didn't budge. Thus, Kenneth unbuckled my belt then unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. I suddenly wished I was on my period but that probably wouldn't even matter with these niggas. Still kissing me, Kenneth tugged at my jeans and pulled them and my panties down. Then he took two fingers and gently pushed them into my pussy. I closed my eyes as a moan escaped my mouth. Kenneth began pushing me towards the bed. When my legs hit the mattress, I unintentionally fell back onto the bed. Kenneth was still fingering me.

"I love you. Okay?" He reminded.

I nodded, now actively trying to allow sex to calm my nervousness. Kenneth pushed my legs apart. I resisted.

"Nuh uh. You can't be fighting and shit. You're gonna make it worse, ma. Relax. I'm tryna get you ready."

"Then fuck me for real." I whined, turn my head from our kiss. "This rehearsal foreplay bullshit isn't gonna make me relax."

"Aye. Quit pouting and shit. I need you to buck up, ma. For serious." Kenneth fussed.

The bedroom door opened just them. I tried to sit up but Kenneth pushed me back down.