Silent Howl (AOT Fanfiction) DISCONTINUED CAUSE I SUCK

Chapter 18 | Friends I Could Rely On (3)

I couldn't do this. It was too much. I had lost too much. But the burning eased my worries, the slur made me forget. So I kept going, kept burning until I was carefree enough to plaster a laugh on my face and wipe the pain from my eyes.

It was now of all days that I was glad of the black trousers I'd bought from the clothes merchant in town a few months ago, now that the dirt greeted me like an old friend. But I had a place to go home to so I rose to my feet and stumbled back to where oppression seemed a little less.

No lights were on in the compound and by now a chill wind was embracing me and not letting me go. I was cold, and it made the burning less. So then I started to worry that I wouldn't find my room. My room, my own room. A room for myself, all by my lonesome.

It was about six months ago that is was promoted to more responsibility and now I wasn't just a Captain, I was a shitfaced, drunk as fuck Captain. But things were easier that way. At least that's what I thought until I stumbled into my room and a candle flickered to life.

"You're up late." I groaned as I recognised the voice before the face.

"Oh fucking great, what are you doing here?" Nothing on Levi's face mirrored amusement, in fact he looked livid if anything.

"Wondering why our newest captain is out getting drunk."

"Not drunk enough apparently." Because mixed with the cold and his icy words and stare, I was sobering up a little more than I liked and my chest was starting to hurt again.

"Athena.."

"What? Am I not allowed to wallow in my sorrow. You do it all the fucking time."

"You need to get to bed."

"Like fuck I do!"

"Athena, get in bed." This time pure dominance and command in his voice made me back off a little and I approached with a little more of humour laced in my voice, if only to try and ease his anger.

"Gosh captain, is that really the kind of behaviour you ought to be having? How scandalous." But I padded over to the single bed anyway and flopped onto the covers. At this point, I couldn't be bothered to hate him.

"Under the covers." Oh he was so demanding. As soon as I slid below the sheets I felt clammy and wanted out in the cooler air. Or to just get some more alcohol. "Actually, on second thoughts," and I tried to get out but Levi grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved back onto the mattress.

"You need sleep."

I snorted. "Sleep doesn't agree with me."

"Yeah... well just try." His expression, though calmer now, was unreadable.

"I know something funny about 'Thena." I suddenly didn't know what I was saying, or why, but I felt no inclination to keep my trap shut.

"You probably shouldn't tell me then."

"She loves you ya know. Don't get me wrong, she still hates you but she loves ya too." Levi froze beside me and his whole body seemed to tense but he was enough out of the way that I couldn't see much of him.

"I don't think that's true."

"I think she's just too scared to admit it to be honest. I think she never got a chance to be a child and needs that innocence again. You too actually."

"What are blabbering about?" An undertone of annoyance now laced his voice.

"When you're in the underground, even children are worrying about how to just survive, not how you're supposed to be. You both never got a chance to grow up properly, you had to grow up too fast and now it's catching up to you. If you're not careful, it'll catch you off guard. Make sure you don't kill it." And that was it, all it took before I started sobering up a little too much once more and a tear slipped from my eyes.