Princess °° Freddie Highmore [dd/lg]

chapter twenty-one:

-- C H A P T E R
T W E N T Y - O N E --

"Why me?" I ask once I'm done with my meal and the dream-like state has left my body. We had spent the majority of dinner eating in silence; briefly commenting on how great the food was.

Freddie knits his eyebrows, perplexed. "What do ye mean?"

I shrug. "Why do you want me to be a part of your... arrangement?"

Freddie shrugs. He then ponders for a moment before meeting my gaze. "I'm deeply attracted to you." he starts. I've heard this a couple of times, but for some reason, when he says this now, it sends a romantic current over my body. Maybe it was because we were formally dressed and were at a nice restaurant, I don't know, but it was a relaxing feeling.

I open my mouth to speak, but then close it, once I see he starts to continue.

"I'm deeply attracted to you, Amanda," he repeats again. "I can't get you out of my head, despite the short amount of time I've seen you. Even though I don't know much about ye, I want to keep knowing more and more about who you are as a person.
"You told me something deeply personal. I want to dig deeper, I want to know if ye had a childhood or not. If not, I want to be able to pursue that, while also taking care of you. If you're willing, it can be a beautiful thing."

I froze, my mind began to race in increments of my life. From the age of ten to graduation and the events lingering in between. I didn't know what to do, and at any moment, I could burst. I wasn't ready to tell him just yet, however, what he said to me was beautiful. The least I can do is give him something. At least a bit  more than what I've already told him.

I look down at my hands, and sigh. My heart started to race a mile a minute. This was it. I was going to tell him about my life after my parents' death.

"As you already know," I begin slowly. "my parents died in a car accident. I didn't really have any close relatives nearby, and no one wanted me from both parents' sides so I ended up in the foster care system..."

Freddie nods, his eyebrows furrowed together in an intent manner. "If ye don't mind me asking," he starts. "what was that like?" He takes a sip of water and places his elbows on the table; hands clasped together.

"Honestly, it was shit." I replied bluntly. "Every home I went to sucked. The people who were supposed to take care of me only took me in just so they could make a quick buck," I felt my jaw stiffen at the memory. "they never provided me things I needed besides clothes. The rest went to renovating their house..." I roll my eyes and run a hand through my auburn hair. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking about this."

Freddie shook his head. "You're okay, Am." he says softly. "If you want to keep talking,  that's fine. I won't get annoyed, I promise."

I close my eyes for a brief moment, and all I could envision was the fatal memory. The moment I dreaded the most. It was slowly coming back to me, but I decided to block it out once again. I couldn't deal with this. Not now, not ever.

"Can we just..." I sigh. "Can we just talk about what we originally planned?" I inquire. I take a sip of water and twirl the straw in my cup.

Freddie nods in understanding. "Of course."

°°

"How long have you been a dominant?" I ask Freddie. The resturaunt's occupancy has died down now, only a couple of customers lingered.

"Five years," he says.

I quirk an eyebrow, amazed. "Wow," I reply. "that's a long time."

"I'm not an expert," he says simply. "just to make that clear. I'm still learning who I am in the BDSM world, I'm still understanding certain responsibilities in my role as a dominant."

"Have you..." I bite my lower lip to try and think of what to say. "Have you had long term subs?" I ask.

Freddie sits back in his chair, deep in thought. "Yes, I have."

"What was your longest?" I tilt my head to the side, now suddenly interested.

"One year," Freddie states. "we ended our relationship, after that."

"Why?"

"Our contract ended." His tone was dark, almost deadly. I couldn't understand it. What was wrong with him, now?

"Contract?" I had no idea that this... arrangement so to speak had involved contracts.

"Yes," Freddie replies. "a contract." He nods to the waiter as the man adjacent to him pours water for both of us.

"Why do you have contracts?" I ask, finding the dynamic strange. "If you like the person, shouldn't you just... Get to know them that way?"

"Like I said before, Amanda," Freddie begins. "I don't date. I simply negotiate." He takes a swig of his water. "The contract simply protects both parties from obtaining other things than what's written in the forms. The majority of my previous contracts revolved around sex, and that was it." He takes a remaining breadstick and dips it into the leftover soup. "Regardless, I still took on my responsibility as a Daddy Dom and provided for my sub. However, Ms. Helgard, there was no emotional connection involved."

"What do you want to pursue with me?" I ask, not fully understanding what he wants to do if I followed through with this.

"I want to pursue you, Amanda." he states. "That is, if you want to."

"Why can't we just date, then?" I ask. "Why is it necessary to have a binding contract in between us?"

Freddie narrows his eyes at me. "Because, Ms. Helgard," he starts, "it makes it easier for me not to get hurt."

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