xHigher Ceilingsx (Lesbian Story)

Love You

On the way home from Zach's house the car ride was pretty quiet. I tried turning up the music singing, trying to talk to her, seemed like she wasn't really in the mood. Damn. I don't know what's going to happen when I get home. like normally if something's bothering her she would say something. She not even talking to me.

I Unlocked the door we went inside the house, Lauren went in the bathroom. I went in my room and started rolling a blunt. I can't lie I'm kind of getting stressed out. I don't know if I should ask her what's wrong or wait on her to tell me. Maybe theres no a right answer.
I finished rolling, turned on my Xbox, and plopped back on the bed.

"Really Jordan? So you just going to play the game."

I looked up "Uh...i guess...I can turn it off?" I mean I was honestly just trying to wait on her to come in the room.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever" she went to leave the room.

"Babe what I do?"

"I don't know Jordan what did you do? Do I even know you?" She looked at me like I was a stranger almost in disgust.

Damn.

"Babe chill, you know me" I grabbed her hand but she pulled away. My heart broke a little.

"I really don't, I don't know anything about you. What you actually do for work, what you for fun, what happens when you leave here? "

Shit. I really didn't want to have this conversation. What am I supposed to tell her? That I sell drugs to make extra cash and now I'm in some deep shit?

"Jordan?!"

Damn, Lauren ain't ever yelled at me before, ever. It kind of caught me off guard.

"Ok ok, shit" I sat down. Lauren stood in front of me waiting. I dont know what for, I'm just gonna disappoint her.

"You know where I work I told you where I work, all we do is sell car parts. I just... You know PJ right? Well sometimes we take orders for people in the neighborhood."

"Jordan if your stupid like some average nigga, and your selling drugs then just tell me. Stop talking in circles "

I shrugged "I mean...ok."

"Oh my God are you serious right now!? Your friend literally almost got robbed, y'all running around here with guns and your acting like this is ok? What the hell is wrong with you!!?"

"Nothings wrong with me. I had to do what I had to do."

See this why I ain't wanna have this conversation. She really going hard, like...it ain't that deep.

"Even if you felt you hadddd to sell drugs, why keep going? you make MONEY Jordan, more than me."

Cause I want it all, I want everything

"Same reason you left me ...so you could keep your fancy car, nice clothes and apartment.. because I like nice things, I like being able to buy whatever I want. Surely you can understand."

Lauren stared at me. It's not like I lied, it's pretty much the same shit. She broke up with me so she could have the finer things. Her eyes started to fill with water.

Shit shit, maybe I should have shut up.

Just then my phone vibrated. I looked at it. It was Laila.

Laila: are you coming tomorrow or no?

"Is that Laila?" I closed it out. "It doesn't matter babe"

"It does matter, you claim you want me in your life and you want to include me in things. Yet every time I try to be included you shut me out. Every time I try to talk to you I get nothing."

My chest got tight. Shit. It feels like my head is going to explode. I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

"Baby I'm sorry okay, don't cry."

"I'm just frustrated, you use to tell me everything, sometimes you make me feel great, like we never broke up and other times I feel like you're stranger"

I stood up "Exactly I told you my dreams, I told you my fears, and you still left me. Everybody left me. I didn't have shit. Do you know how hard it was to find another job after your dad fired me anyway? How long I had to save up money to get my first car. How some days I had to walk my sister to school?! Oh but I'm sure he never told you. Because that would mean you broke up with me for no reason. But no, you had a reason, to save yourself. I'm glad he's dead. I fucking hate him."

Lauren reached down and grabbed her coat off to bed " Wow, I really can't believe you. Jordan, I was kid too you know, but I grew up and matured, unlike some people." She picked up her keys.

"Where you going?"

She looked at me like I just slapped her. She ignored me and walked out the door.

I think we just had our first official argument.

I can't believe this shit. She really just walked out. Damn, I probably shouldn't have told her I'm glad her dad's dead...but I am.

Shit, shit, shit.

I don't know what happened. But seeing her leave out the door made me sick. I started to panic. I threw on my slides, grabbed my keys and ran out the front door. I pulled out my phone.

*Calling* Lauren ♥️

I jogged down the stairs. Its probably faster than the elevator. My chest was pumping so hard. I got to the last step and saw Lauren getting in her car. I swung the door open. "Lauren!" I yelled

She glanced back, and shut the door. I jumped in front of the car.

"Baby wait!"

She wiped her eyes before glaring at me, damn, I could tell she was crying.

"I'm sorry okay" I walked to her door.
"Open the door Lauren, please...tell me what you need, I'll do it. Baby...let me in"

I was desperate to talk to her, to make sure she didn't just drive away and leave me alone again.

She unlocked the door and I got in. I sat down. " Thank you for talking to me."

She sat back and crossed her arms.

"Jordan I'm in love with you...I can deal with your ego, you have a baby on the way, and I'm actually excited, I can deal with your tantrums, I can even deal with you wanting my dad dead, but I can not and I will not be with someone who can be ripped away from me at any moment. How do you expect me to build a life with that? Do you know how it feels? To think I could lose you too? For drug money Jordan? "

I dropped my head. She doesn't get it, this was my way out. She can't see it. I tried college, I tried just having a regular job....we don't all have the same opportunities. But I don't want to lose her, not again. I almost died the first time.

"Baby I can't just quit, it's not that easy."

"You're their boss Jordan, Ive seen how you are with them." She snapped

"Baby I feed them. I take care of them, I take care of you....with this money you hate so much."

"I'm not doing this with you, stop. Just stop. It's a choice...don't do it for me...do it for your son."

I looked at her "Our son"

I waited on her to say something "if you get your shit together then yes Jordan, our son. It's up to you, remember I want you, I don't need you"

I sat back. "Okay aight bae, then it's done. I'll stop"  she's the one woman that makes me weak like this.

I grabbed her hand and she forced a smile

"I hope so."