I Saw You

Chapter 36: Don't Start Now

Did the heartbreak change me? Maybe
But look at where I ended up
I'm all good already
So moved on, it's scary
I'm not where you left me at all, so

{ Don't Start Now | Dua Lipa }

—

I have long thought about how I would react when London comes back.

The first and second year, I thought of hugging him so tight while crying. The third year, I started to feel a little angry at him but I know I would still gladly accept him with open arms. The fourth and fifth year, my hope is slowly fading and the anger is already clouding my feelings. Sixth year, I swear I would punch him so hard, he'll bleed. I was hopeless. For the seventh year, I thought of actually not caring at all. Hindi ko na rin inisip na maaari pa siyang bumalik. And if he does, I would just look at him coldly, like he's nothing but a stranger.

But then, I wasn't really fully prepared for this. Mas madali siguro kung umuwi siya nung mga naunang taon. But now? I don't feel anything but a mixture of pain and anger.

Of course! He would come back when I finally found someone who makes me happy! Ganoon kaloka ang mundo! Kung kailan payapa ka na, saka may pasabog. Damn it!

London scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry. This isn't the way I want us to see each other."

At may bibig na siya! I mean, he got his voice back! That's great...

Tinitigan ko ang screen. I still do not know how I would react. Should I talk to him like what happened is nothing? Should I punch the screen of my laptop? Should I just end the call?

Shit.

Hindi ako nagkaroon ng London's Comeback Preparedness!

"Akala ko'y makakapunta ka para sa birthday ng kambal. Are you busy?" He asked a bit slowly. Narinig ko ang hagikgik ni Demi at pang-aasar ni Genieva 'di kalayuan. Hindi ako sumagot. I remained looking at him.

He didn't change much, only a bit more mature now. His jet black hair looks longer, and he looks a bit taller. I couldn't clearly see. Pero siguradong-sigurado ako na siya iyon.

"Ma'am, the meeting will start in five minutes," my secretary peaked inside my office. Nilingon ko siya at tumango. Bahagya ko pang narinig ang bulungan ng mag-pipinsan sa laptop. Mukhang nagtatalo pa."

"I'll go now. I have a meeting. Please greet the twins a happy birthday for me. Thank you," I said in a cold voice. It sounds too formal. Parang kasosyo sa business ang kausap.

London stared at the camera. Pakiramdam ko'y personal siyang nasa harap ko at nagkakatitigan kami. Hindi ko masuri ng mabuti ang kanyang ekspresyon. Is he happy? Sad? Contented? What?

Gusto kong sabunutan ang sarili. Hindi mo na dapat alamin iyon, Cash!

I heard him sigh before giving me a small smile. "Take care, Cash. Good luck on your meeting."

I nodded slowly but I did not say anything. Matapos noon ay mabilis kong pinatay ang tawag at isinarado ang laptop. Saka lang ako nakahinga ng maayos. Ni hindi ko pansin kanina na nag-pipigil ako ng hininga.

Mabilis kong pinalis ang luha na kumawala sa aking pisngi. Kinabog ko ang aking dibdib gamit ang kamay at sinubukang ikalma ang sarili.

"You look damn distracted the whole time, Cash!" nilapitan ako ni Volt at humawak pa sa balikat ko para palingunin ako sa kanya. Hindi kalayuan sa likod niya ay naroon si England, nakatanaw din sa akin at mukhang nag-aalala.