Moon picked mates

chapter 54

Alisha POV

 The rest of the day the only person I saw was my dad and a few pack members who didn't bother to spare me an glance.  We took our meals alone, Lucien choosing to avoid any contact with me. Fine, Dad was enough company for me anyway. Now dad isn't a chatty person but he's a good listener and I talked about everything but Lucien. He nodded as I relayed my phone call with Paola acting interested in our girl talk. Living with three females had trained him well for this role.  All that female hormones surrounding him poor man had to do it to survive. 

We called it a early night, Mom would be here around noon tomorrow and I couldn't wait to see here.  Sleep on the other hand didn't come easy, my brain refused to shut down until I was just too exhausted to keep my eyes open. I finally crashed  around three and was up by seven. I've been trying to entertain myself since then without any luck. So dressed and ready I waited alone in the living area spread out on the couch.

There was nothing to do , there isn't anything interesting to me at the moment on television. There was only the basic channels available on this set, at least the locked area had netflix. Yet I still had it on and watched the movement of the actors on the screen, the volume down because I didn't understand anything being said.  I'm kicking myself that I didn't even have the basic understanding of French, something I'm going to have to remedy if I have to be here for long. 

 I am  bored and now I was just waiting for my mom to get here. The bad thing about being bored and not having any distractions was that my mind focused on things I'd rather not think about.  I feel like I really fucked up my life at this point and am kicking myself for some of the stupid mistakes I've made.  

 Dad was off doing something to get ready for mom's arrival, it's been days since they have been together in the same room and I know he misses her. I don't remember any time they had been apart any longer than his work shift at the factory . Even then they  talked on the phone during his breaks, I grew up knowing how much they loved each other. The looks they shared and the small touches when together.   There were no few times I walked in on them by accident making out on the couch.  When I was a teenager I was grossed out like any kid would be if they caught their parents in any romantic situation  but now knowing about true mates I understand it a little bit better. Their love ran deep and there was no hiding it.   I was one of the few who still had both parents living in the same home while growing up. I felt very loved and included in their circle , even though I knew I was adopted I didn't feel left out.  I miss having all my family around me but once mom gets here I know things will improve. 

Mom will be able to help me understand how  to deal with this whole mate issue. It's one of the major things  I've fucked up and can't figure out how to fix it or if I want to fix it. I'm so confused and that's scares me.  I can feel the pull towards Lucien, the need to be with him and more than just sexually. It was like something gnawing away at the inside of me but there's still  that part of me that wants to maintain my independence without him in my life.  I'm not ruled by my emotions normally and now it seems my hormones rule my mouth. He's done things to piss me off and I have every right to be angry  but no right to be mean.  If I'm being honest with myself and right now I  am, I've been a right mean bitch to him. Maybe it's that  part of me that wants to be independent that's working my mouth at those times or maybe I am just a bitch . My brain feels like it's going to burst if I keep dwelling on him and I try to refocus on the television. 

In my vain attempt to redirect my thoughts of Lucien , Alvan and his situation flood in to that space. I've given that situation much thought, there was nothing I could have done to prevent his actions. He had planned with my grandparents and I was set up to meet him, this isn't my fault. He did this , not me and even though I appreciate all he did to keep me safe  I'm not responsible for his decisions. I liked him but didn't really know the true man hidden inside. I never would have hooked up with him if I had known his connections to my Jarlen. I  can't help but smile at some of "fun" we had together. Damn that man had skills in bed.