I suffer from severe ADHD.
I watch the way the leaves rustle against the wind, the peddles turning while the girl rides her bike passed me, the jogger running in step with their music.
I'm never able to stick to only one thing, so I take it all in, moving with everything around me.
The sun peeks out from being the clouds. The squirrel digs a hole in the dirt to store his nuts. The dog barks for his owner as he's temporarily tied to a parking meter.
I don't pay attention when people talk to me. I don't mean to be rude, but the cute puppy wants me to pet him and someone just brought in a cake, so how could I not want to start celebrating right then and there.
Believe me, I want to hear why you don't like your ex-boyfriend, sort of, but the ticking of keys on everyones' laptops is too persuading to ignore. My mind is running with new thoughts that my mouth wouldn't be able to keep up with. The opening door is demanding my eyes.
I don't mean to do it, I just can't help it. Sometimes, it's too overwhelming, but I can't control it. I can't keep focused on one thing. It's not my fault. The pills do their job, but they're too numbing to continue taking. Waving you hands in my face doesn't help and raising your voice just makes me feel worse about it.
There's nothing I can do.
Nothing can fix it.
There's nothing...
I hold my breath. My eyes finally focus and stay. I'm afraid to blink in case that momentary loss of contact is enough to make me lose concentration. It won't though. One look and everything else is gone.
He brushed his curly brown hair away from his face. His eyes. Pupils dilated. Honey colored eyes full. They're so full... of adoration... for me. And I watch them, in case they change, but they don't, not when I'm around him.
When he sees how he's caught my attention, my heart skips as the corner of lip curls up in a reluctant smile that he can't help to show me and only ever me, unintentionally I came to learn. His calloused fingers tighten around my own. His voice is deep and smooth. I watch the way his mouth moves as he forms different syllables.
When I see him, I'm not tempted to join the kids laughing at the playground because it looks like fun. I can finally ignore the phone conversation of the husband asking his wife if he grabbed the right milk. I can stay and just watch him.
Sometimes, much to my dislike, my head will involuntarily turn to the song playing on the radio. I need to listen to my mother playing piano in the next room. I will stop mid-sentence when he starts playing a random tune on his guitar and I need to know the name of it.
I get lost in everything sometimes, but he doesn't mind. He doesn't get mad when I unintentionally cut him off or demands my attention when I'm staring at the ice cream truck coming down the block.
He doesn't mind. He'll watch me and wait for me to turn back to him. I'll apologize even though he tells me that I have nothing to be sorry about. He told me it's adorable, my getting distracted. He told me that I remind him of a puppy who was taken out in public for the first time and who can get mad at a curious, energetic puppy.
He'll wait patiently. He'll laugh softly at my wide eyes and I'll snap back to him. And my heart will melt.
His laugh... with that smile. One of his truly rare combinations. Just for me.
I suffer from severe ADHD. Nothing can fix it.
Well, almost.
His voice can.
His laugh.
His eyes.
Him.
