O.C.D [ Fransykes ]

3. I'm not okay

Oli's pov

As I'm sitting crisscrossed on a corner I watch all my friends attacking each other. I don't feel good so I stopped rough housing with them. My anxiety has been good today, mostly. I just still hate that I'm going to have a neighbor.

I get off the counter and open the refrigerator. No. I close It and open it. No. Again. After a shut and open it ten times I'm starting to freak out. It wont make the noise right. A hand on my shoulder makes me flinch. "Its okay, I'll close it right if you stop and walk out," Jordan says and I look at the refrigerator.

Okay

I leave the kitchen hoping Jordan really does close it right. What if he doesn't? I rush back in to see it closed. "Did it make the sound?" I ask and he nods.

"Yeah, want pizza?" He asks.

"No, I ate," I say and leave the kitchen. I sit on the couch and then rest my head on Mikey. He's playing a video game and doesn't care. I close my eyes and try to not think. That doesn't work. Do I look okay? I don't like any of them romantically but I still want to look good.

Not necessarily good but fit in. I want to fit in. My phone starts ringing so I sit up more and pull out my phone. "'Ello?" I ask skipping over the H sound. My mouth doesn't like pronouncing stuff correctly.

"Hey Oliv- Oli, the neighbors got here. I think I'm going to make them cookies tomorrow and invite them over," my mom says. She knows I prefer Oli, I like that she really tries to keep me happy. I dont know why I cant just be happy.. I'm just to fucked up. I wonder if my dad dropped me when I was a baby? He drops his phone daily so it could be a possibility.

"Okay, what time? I'm probably just going to stay here until they are gone.. you know there will be five people in the house.. five is not a good number," I remind her. I hear her sigh. I stress her out too much...

"Around afternoon? They wont stay past 3 but I'll text you if they do," she says. As she's talking I get up and go into the bathroom so its quite. I sit on the closed toilet and cross my legs.

"Okay, um.. I forgot to take my medicine this morning," I say and push my hair behind my ear. No. I push my hair back and look in the mirror to mack sure my hair is good.

"Oh no.. are you okay? Should I bring it over?" She say worried.

"N-no its past 6am, like its 5pm that would mess up my schedule. I'll be fine," I tell her truthfully. I feel okay. Did Jordan close the refrigerator right?

"Okay, I love you," she says and I nod.

"Love you too mum, bye," I mumble.

"Bye, stay saf-"

I hang up and walk leave the bathroom. Not right. I go back in and flush the toilet. No I didn't use it but I feel like I have to flush it. I walk out again and shut the door. Maybe its because I remembered I didn't take my medicine but my anxiety is rising. My heart is beating to fast.

I'm okay, I promise.

I go into the living room and look at Jordan. He looks at me. "I'm going to sit in your room," I say and I nods and continues to watch a movie. I go to his room and instead of sitting I start cleaning. Why is his room so unorganized?

I look to see a paper with Jordan's hand writing on it. He usually has all his school work safe, why is the out? My eyes scan over it.

Genetics - People with first-degree relatives like parents, siblings, or children that develop OCD as a child or teen are at a significantly higher risk of developing types of OCD.

Brain Structure - Scientists have begun narrowing down differences in the frontal cortex between OCD and non-OCD test subjects that might point to specific areas of the brain that are affected.

Environment - Experiencing physical, sexual, or emotional abuse at a young age has also been shown to be a risk factor when it comes to developing obsessive compulsive disorder. Various types of OCD may also develop in children following a streptococcal infection.

Why the fuck does Jordan have this? My jaw clinches. Is he trying to figure out why I'm so fucked up? Is he doing his fucking research on me? He couldn't just ask?

My eyes are watery and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I crumble down and start crying. I hate people knowing I have OCD but I cant control it. People figure it our pretty quickly. Turning off and on lights, shutting doors, and walking up/down stairs respectively raises questions.

I'm okay

I'm not okay

Shut up I'm fine

My mind has a war as I cry into my knees. I'm such a baby. I don't have too much of a reason to cry but here I am sobbing. To make things worse I see my black finger nail polish is chipped on my right hand.

If I take my medicine now I'm going to be throwing up tomorrow after I take it again. Oh well. I get up and walk out the room still crying. I shut the door and it feels wrong. So so wrong. I go back In and repeat the action twice and then go to the front door. Eyes are on me. "I'm going.." I say and hiccup a little.

"Should I walk you home?" Jordan says.

"N-no, that will make it worse," I mumble and leave thankfully shutting the door right the first time.

I need to be alone..

Thoughts?

Theories (small or big)

Oh.. maybe I'll try to be organized? What if I switched back and forth daily? Like tomorrow I'll continue to write this but the next day write 'room to breath' the who day? So every other day I'll update this book?

Idk I enjoy writing this and I want them to meet before I stop and go back to finish room to breath