Stuck With Me

18 | Break Up and Make Up

FP's words had been going through her mind all day as she debated with herself whether she was making the right choice or not. Only let the people in you are sure of, he told her. Why did he have to feed the doubts she already had? Why couldn't she just go through with the decision she had made? His words were sweet and she appreciated them but it was because those exact words that she knew she couldn't sleep with Adam without feeling guilty to herself.

This morning she was fully convinced that tonight was going to be her big night, but now she was on her way to his house to do the exact opposite. If only he hadn't gotten into her head, maybe this night would have turned out a whole lot differently. 

Whatever she had to sort out with herself, she first needed to cross this off her priority list. All the thoughts in her head would come later, if she would ever give them the room to speak. 

Adam opened the door with a slight frown as he had been worrying ever since she had contacted him.

''Your text sounded serious, are you sure you are okay?'' He asked conceded as he let her into his house. Alice kept a straight face and tried to avoid his eyes as she collected her courage. 

''I need to talk to you.'' She started, which was the biggest red flag you could give someone before you were about to break-up with them. 

''No fun conversation ever started with those words.'' He sighed, as he felt what was coming. Maybe she just had a bad day and decided to cancel their date, which was what he hoped at this point but the look on her face told otherwise.

''Shall we sit down?'' She gestured for the couch and he nodded slightly. 

''Tell me, what is it.'' He took her hand in his and squeezed gently, encouraging her to start talking. Alice looked into his ocean blue eyes and suddenly the guilt was taking over her.

Adam was a good man. He was sweet, he adored her, he truly tried to make this happen. It just wasn't there. She had tried to feel it, she had tried to make herself believe she wanted this to happen. But FP was right. She couldn't let someone into her life if she wasn't sure where this was going and if they had a future.

''I am not sure if it's ever going to happen, Adam.'' Alice said quietly as she swallowed the lump in her throat. She hated hurting people but in this case she had to choose her own feelings over someone else's. 

''You're not attracted to me. That's fine.'' He let go of her hand and sighed as quietly as possible. Adam tried to remain calm even when she had stepped on his heart by saying that. 

''That's not it. I just can't share something so intimate with someone when I am not sure where this is going. I just don't see that happening.'' Alice tried to explain herself as best as possible, even when she knew that sounded vague. He had waited for her and this is how she rewarded him -- With a break up. 

''What's wrong with fooling around? It doesn't have to get serious. I could seriously help you, you know.'' He tried to convince her to not give up on them yet, but it was exactly the things he said that made her realize she had made the right call. 

''All my life I've shared it with someone that was very close to my heart. I can't change that. And I certainly don't want that with someone who thinks I need help.'' With those words she stood up and turned around to walk to the door, followed by Adam who quickly stood up too as he realized what he had just said. 

''Alice-- That's not what I meant.'' He excused himself, his cheeks flushing slightly. 

He knew how it had sounded and he mentally cursed himself for being so insensitive. Maybe it was for the best though. He was tired of waiting and it was clear she wasn't going to give him what he needed.