Walk With Me

Bumpy Ride

In my lifetime, all I want is a place where my worth will be valued, where understanding will be shared and where compassion will be dealt. Humorously, through the years of searching for it in school, in the neighborhood or at even at home, I never found it. But I on the contrary, cursed everyone who doesn’t know these ideal things which my heart seeks.

In the past I became a mad person (though today I am but slight) who always wanted to be on top and who always wanted to be affirmed. However, when none sees the best that I’ve been making, I courageously affirmed myself saying, “I’m good at it” though objectively I’m not really good at it. Further, through the years I’ve realized that I’m just a person who wants dignity in its most simple sense. Perhaps, I’ve just been surrounded by people who were wounded by many sorts. Because of this, I’ve been affected by all those negativity that pulled me mercilessly to the pit. I hated why I live and I hated my past but when I started to fall in love and to be loved. It changed everything.

It’s so fun to have this kind of introduction where I can say in my heart, “Everything is a preparation-A preparation to enlighten, to serve and to live the greatest end, that is, to live with our Almighty Father.”

At the start of my almost month-long vacation, what struck me was the ruined face of my dad due to the vehicular accident he met. He suffered frontal tooth damage and scars on his face plus he can’t walk normal. I was filled with questions, asking God why it occurred. But I also had a counter question, “Why not thank God that dad is still alive?” However, though I slowly accepted what happened, the pain in my heart is still there saying, “He doesn’t deserve this.” But then again, as hours dropped, I’ve accepted it fully through a counter suggestion also, “Anyway, he could still visit the dentist.”

Grateful about this second life given by God to my dad, I’ve tried my best to become a responsible person at home doing household chores. The catch is this; I’ve done it with my own discretion without external pressures and the like. Moreover, God has always been good in this where I can feel the trust of my family on me about my entirety. Happy in the entire duration of my stay at home, none of the members were quarreling except for my parent’s pinpricks (which is a common thing for them).

I thought that my vacation is perfect but I was mistaken when I know for a reason that my Kuya went other religion seeing Jesus there. It’s not only a deep cut on my mother’s part (who painstakingly supported him in the Catholic Academic Institutions) but for me and my family who knew that he had defied the Catholic faith in change of his new sect now. He asked lots of questions about the Catholic fact which I clarified charitably and anchoring it to the teachings of the Church. Unfortunately, though he’s been clarified, he’s still convinced that his experience of Jesus there was life changing where he confessed to us that he’s a secret drug user but since he entered his new religion, he rebuked it in the name of Jesus.

Though he said it all, though it’s a correct argument but it seemed that my heart is aching for him to be back to the Catholic faith. I want him back to the Catholic faith! He’s my brother and I’ll never let him go. I for myself was never negligent of my friends whom I shared thoughts, how much more the brother whom I shared blood with.

This has been a shaky, thrilling, HEARTcore vacation where challenges arose-A challenge to become a glass that would magnify the grace of Jesus through the Mother Church. Furthermore, a lesson’s engraved in my heart that I wanna serve, I want to become a presbyter soon but I’m open to all the possibilities that come my way. Bottomline: I’m always called to become Catholic- to love God and to love thy neighbor without cause or end.