The Confession || George Weasley

Scene 16- The Coin

*Anne's Prov*

I'm sweating, unable to move out of the toilet cabin I'm in. If I just hadn't read this fucking article, if I just hadn't done it and ignored the rumors and overcoming curiosity. When did Hogwarts become this place? To allow a professor to go this drastic for punishments? I bite my bottom lip, fighting the urge to scream and tear this whole place apart.

I stare at my arms, they aren't covered in cuts, yet it felt so realistic. It felt so real. Hell it even smelled like blood. It smelled exactly like it did back then. My fingers run slowly and very carefully over my wrist. The most terrifying moment in my life when the blood came out uncontrollably and I couldn't stop it and blacked out.

I thought I would die. Funny how that was my biggest wish and then turned into my biggest fear. I want this emptiness to go away. Pressing my hands on my face I silently let go tears. She managed it. She has done it. She broke me. I thought I was over this, this black hole I got myself unknowingly into. Turns out it never really left me as I hoped it would. It will always be by my side, just how am I supposed to deal with it? How can I get myself to be friends with it?

Tears dripping onto my pullover, wetting it, leaving a cold sensation against my skin. I dealt with this before, so I can certainly now, right? What is different this time? A lot, and by a lot I mean that I have grown. I overcame this once and I certainly will now too. This isn't me anymore, I need to remind myself that I'm not that sad little girl any longer. I'm strong. I'm determined. I'm valid. I'm enough.

Taking my hands from my face, I pull my sleeve down and wipe my nose with it. Despite it being a part of me, it doesn't have to define me. Staring closely at my wrists one more time, I don't see any cuts or bruises. It was just an illusion, I never went back there. I swore I'm never going back there ever again and I didn't. This was Umbridge, not you Anne.

You held your word. It calms me, knowing that I don't feel the urge and didn't do it. I'm stronger than before. I'm here. I constantly repeat those words. I need to. I know it seems crazy, but what I just gone through made matters worse. I can't even express how much damage that caused. It bloody hell scares me. All of this.

That I fight this battle again. A battle I never wanted to fight in first place. If Umbridge never casted this curse on me, I would be happy wouldn't I? I wouldn't need to go through all of this again. I wouldn't need to start worrying if this will become something worse or not. I'm scared it will turn out as the last time. 

I don't want to die.

However, a small voice in my head reminds me that regardless of her curse, I would have come back to this the sooner or later. You can't run away from your problems and yet I try it every damn time. I take deep breaths. I will survive this. I can stop this before it gets out of hand. I know the signs now and how to handle it. Even if it's just little hope that lights up inside of me, it's enough for me to be convinced. Because hope was something I didn't have the last time.

(A/N: I hope everyone of you are still doing okay after this paragraph, if not you can always come and write to me)

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The next day when I woke up I had a peaceful night, thanks to the potion Pomfrey made me. I take a deep breath and change out of my pullover into the school uniform. The others wake up too one after the other. I wait for them until they are finished and walk with them to the Great Hall. 

"Maybe Potter didn't lie," Christine says quietly: "I mean his story is very-" 

She's searching for the right words. 

"Scary you mean?," Leyla suggests, nodding her head.

"He is back," I say making them turn to me curious: "Otherwise Umbridge wouldn't do everything in her hands to cover that fact."