close your eyes and feel me

3

Charlotte received a second letter only a couple of days after she'd sent her own back in Sanditon.

She was the one who went to get the mail that morning, and she was the first to see the white envelope with her name on it. Sent from London, she thought for a moment it might have been a letter from Lady Susan. The thought made her smile and giggle, and she happily opened it as she walked back home.

But Charlotte was glad to be alone that morning. As she opened the letter, she could smell the stinks of alcohol on the paper, and not red wine like she drank, or champagne even, no, it was a dark, strong drink. A manly one.
She went back to the envelope and finally paid attention to the name in the corner. Her heart skipped a beat as she suddenly couldn't keep on walking.

In shock, perplexed (and curious too, she had to admit), she held the letter precautiously between her fingers. Maybe written words could hurt, especially if they were from him.

To miss Charlotte Heywood,

Miss Heywood, you must be surprised to see this letter, not written not by my sister-in-law or even my brother, but by me.

I know how inappropriate this letter is, but please, oh please, keep on reading. Ever since we've departed, I have been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to forgive myself and to move on from you.

I must ask, please, Miss Heywood, forgive me. Forgive me for writing this letter, but forgive me for what happened before. I feel the need to apologize, again and again. The particular situation we've found ourselves in while your stay in Sanditon is still, weeks later, hurting me. It's hurting more than people could imagine, more than anyone could know. I know this is sick of me, but a part of myself with this might be hurting you as well.

It was wrong of me to have done and said - or worst, unsaid- things to you. I shouldn't have. The truth is, Miss Heywood, is that I truly believed I would be able to propose to you. If anything, you must believe me when I say this.

There are not enough words to explain the anger and disappointment I feel about our situation, and how much I wish things could've ended differently.

If you ever doubted, or would ever come to doubt the feelings I have for you, Miss Heywood, please, oh please, I need to put these doubts at ease. Miss Heywood, I was ready to open up my heart to you, without shame. Never did I wish to hurt you in any form, never in the way that I did.

I know how hurtful love can be, I've been its victim for the second time now. You are deserving of love and I truly hope that, when the time comes and love presents itself to you, you will open your heart to romance without casting any doubts. Do not be bitter, nor scared. Love truly is the best and most wonderful feeling someone could ever experience. I dare to hope that happiness can be found within love, and you, Miss Heywood, surely deserve it.

I know my heart will never truly recovers from you, but I hope yours can.

With all the wishes of happiness, there is,

Mr. Sidney Parker

Charlotte's hands were shaking. She'd kept on walking as she read and by the time she was done, she found herself standing like an idiot in front of the door. This was a letter written by him, for her.

By him, for her.

She tried her best to manage her expressions as she came inside, where she knew she would inevitably face her family. Indeed, all of them were in the living room, each doing a specific chore.