close your eyes and feel me

6

Charlotte felt panic go through her veins as she saw Allison standing in front of her bed, a piece of paper laying on it.

-"Charlotte, tell me you did not answer those two letters," begged her sister.

All she could answer was a gulp while shame went all over her body.

-"You did?" Said Allison, disgust and disappointment visible in her voice.

-"It's complicated", tried to explain Charlotte, but her sister stopped her from doing so.

-"What have you done with this man, Charlotte?" She asked, one letter crushed in her hand.

-"Nothing! Nothing, I swear to you, Allison." Tears were coming in both of Heywood's sisters.

-"Then how come can he be devoted to you? Tell me, what would have happened If it had fallen between the wrong hands? Oh! "She closed her eyes with anger, "Do you have any ideas on how ruined you would be?"

Charlotte stayed still in from her sister, her arms at her side. Her breathing was very loud and she had to look behind her to be sure no one else was there.

- "I... he... we... we could've... but... "No complete sentences came from Charlotte.

- "This is the man who broke your heart, isn't it?"

- "It wasn't like that", tried to explain Charlotte. "Events happened and he had to make... he had to make a choice." She lifted up one of her hand in direction of the letter her sister was still holding. But Allison stepped back, the piece of paper still in hand.

- "Any man that does not choose you, doesn't deserve you. Burn those letters." Ordered her sister

She looked at her like she was crazy. Burning them? Burning the letters, but for what? What good would it do? Burning them would be like burning herself. She couldn't do that.

- "If you don't, I will. "Said menacingly Allison, like a warning.

Suddenly, Charlotte's hands became fists, and her face became strict. With a fierce look, she took her letters in Allison's hand and grabbed her wrist, not violently, not to hurt, but strong enough to surprise her young sister.

- "I get to decide who deserves my attention and who does not," she shake the letters as an affirmation, "and no one, not even you, can determinate what I can and cannot do."

She let go of Allison's arm and walk past her, took the remaining paper on the bed and put them in the baggage near them. She was leaving for London the next morning. If this world had hurt her before, she would certainly not be his victim again. Charlotte then turns to her sister, who had tears in her eyes as she watched her.

-"He did not choose me, and that is up to me on how I shall react to this situation", she walked to Allison who didn't move. "There is no anger in my heart, not towards him."

-"If It were to be told that you were... writing with an engaged man, oh! Charlotte!" Exclaimed the young girl, her hands in front of her eyes, hiding.

Charlotte took her sister's hand in hers, with a much more warming look.

-"You do not need to worry. I know you do", she sighed, "you certainly more than anyone else in this house", added Charlotte, "but if you must know, there has been no more correspondence between me and this man since." She smiled sadly.

-"But you wish there was", simply said, Allison.

-"Things being different? I would have married that man", whispered so softly Charlotte that it was almost like she didn't say anything.

-"I worry about your happiness, my dear sister!"

Charlotte saw the crushed look on her little sister's face and knew she had to hug her.

-"Worry about yours, Allison. Spending so much time worrying about everyone else is so exhausting."

She didn't say anything else and left the room, leaving her sister alone with her statement.

But as Charlotte was walking down the stairs, she too started to wonder about what she had just said.

She had always been worried about everyone, taking care of her siblings without any complaints, never asking for anything really. What was the last thing she had asked for herself?

To go to Sanditon, obviously! It always would come back to this place, wouldn't it? Did she even start to live before her summer there? She would think about the most challenging experiences she has ever done before, and it would always be about farm life, about the mundane life of her family. Even her first meeting with the Parker was more exciting than any public ball or hunting trip she had ever been to.

Since she was born, Charlotte's life contented itself to be so, oh,  so ordinary.

She was seeking for more, and London promised to be a very grand adventure, now she knew.