close your eyes and feel me

8

-"Antigua?" Angrily said Eliza while walking in the room. "You are leaving for ANTIGUA?"

The woman standing in front of Mr.Parker was clearly furious, which isn't something he had been used to. He had seen her angry over the years, of course, but it had been some time now. He looked at her in silence while she was storming in the room... His hands on his hips, his head was heavy and he had no wishes, nor the time, to listen to her.

-"Yes, Eliza, Antigua. I have received many letters now about my business on the island that I must attend to." He said, not elaborating about those business matters, as he was sure she did not care anyways.

-"Must attend to? What about the wedding you are supposed to attend to? Not only do you have to take me across the world for money, but you also want me to have a wedding in the winter?" Screamed Eliza, disgust in her voice.

Sidney smiled with irony, which only made her even madder.

-"Eliza, we cannot get married until I come back."

- "Until you come back? Are you saying you are not taking me with you?" She said with a weird voice. Was it satisfaction? Surprise? Bit of both?

- "Women aren't allowed on those ships, Eliza. The sailors ought to think you are... bad luck." He said kind of shyly.

-"And what about marriage? " She stops in front of him, both her hands on her hips. "Why can't you marry me before you go?"

- " If something happens to me, I would leave you a widow. " he blatantly said.

She looked at him with anger while he looked at her with indifference. He started to analyze her, really look at her as the woman he has known for so long. She didn't look any different than ten years before, her eyes were still the same blue, her hair, beautifully blond. Overall, Eliza was still as beautiful as she was when they were younger.

"Then why am I not feeling it anymore? " He asked himself.

But he already knew the answer. If he had loved Eliza ten years before, it has changed. Over the years, he had matured and changed as a man, and what he used to love in her didn't mean anything anymore.

The only woman who remained relevant to him was Charlotte Heywood.

He let go of a sigh.

- "Eliza, we are not getting married."

- "Well, not until you come back", added the women with exasperation.

Why did she want to be with him? How could she not see the unhappiness they were putting both of themselves in? Did she know he would never love her again, and did she knew she would spend the rest of their lives resenting him for not doing so? Was Eliza holding on to a past she had not let go off? Was she chasing after lost dreams, desiring a man that was not there anymore?

-"Yes", he said sadly, "not until I am back."

Charlotte got out of the carriage completely amazed by the view. Ever since she had arrived in London, her head has been outside of the window, impressed by the city. How different London was from that fastidious night!

-"Charlotte! At last!" Exclaimed Lady Susan, walking down the stairs, her arms up in a hug.

-"Susan!" Happily answered Charlotte, hugging her friend back.

She still couldn't stop looking all around her, and Lady Susan laughed at her credulous eyes.

-"Ah! You'll love your time in London, I can feel it! " Predicted her friend, arms underarms, while walking towards the entrance of the domain.

Lady Susan was speaking with such a sure voice that Charlotte couldn't help herself and founded herself believing in this optimism that emanates from her friend.

-"Very much indeed, I think it'll be quite the adventure!"

Charlotte kept in mind her last words to her little sister, Allison. She wanted her life to have a meaning, a purpose. She was seeking more than the mundane life of her parents, and she did not want to settle down into a loveless marriage, as most of her siblings would.

Maybe Charlotte was holding onto utopic dreams, maybe she was wishing for a life that didn't existed for her. 

Worst, maybe she was chasing a man that she had already lost.

No matter what, Miss Heywood would certainly not let go of this dream of hers, and she would fight for the life that she wants, and she intended to live it the way she wanted to.

-"I have a condition to your departure for Antigua", coldly said Eliza.

-"A condition? " He asked, curious and worried at the same time.

-"If you want me to marry you, you'll come to London this winter to spend the season with me, as the engaged couple we are. " She said with a victory look.

-"Why do you care so much, Eliza, that people know that you and I are engaged?" He was starting to get angry.

-"Because I want everyone in London to knows we belong to each other", she took his hands, "if I am the one saving this city your brother loves so much, I shall have what I want, don't you agree?"

Sidney was now angry. He was mad to be engaged to her, he was angry against his brother, who messed up so badly, and he was so furious simply thinking about the city of London.

He snaps his fingers out of Eliza's and looks over her, eyes cold and angry. He knew he had to control himself. It was another sacrifice. 

-"If you want London, you shall have London."

Eliza breathed a "perfect", then left the room. What Sidney did not see was the satisfied smile on his fiancée's face as she left.

After all, the big talks in London right now have been true that Lady Susan was expecting a very young lady to her house. Eliza was far from being stupid, and she could not wait to parade with him on her side in front of her. 

She finally had all that she wanted: money and Sidney, and she was tired of those talking about old love and her marrying richer. Even if she did leave Sidney for a wealthier man before, she wanted people to know that she still wanted him, even after all this time.