close your eyes and feel me

20

Hi! This is a very important chapter to the story, I hope you all love it ❤️ Let me know what you think in the comments ! 😊 stay safe ❤️
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After Eliza left Charlotte alone in the garden of Susan's house, she wandered around the city for a while. She had spent so many years wondering what would've happened if, ten years ago, she had married Sidney instead. Would he still have, somehow, met Charlotte Heywood? If so, would he have fell for her? And would she had fell for him, too? Were those destined to be each other, and both knew it? Was it why he kept coming back to her, even if he was already engaged?

She knew Sidney to be in far more control himself. Never, in the time that she was married, had he followed her the way he was following Charlotte.

What was she supposed to do, exactly? Let go of the only man she ever loved? Let him be with the woman he's crazy for? Let them have their happily ever after?

What about hers?

She had to marry off to some older man simply of his money. This society makes it impossible for women to survive without a man. She had to choose. Would she had preferred to choose Sidney? Of course. She had loved him for as long as she could remember. There was a time where he was her everything.
But ten years ago, a choice had to be made. And in order to protect herself and her family, she had to choose someone else. It was what was expected her.

Even then, people judged her for it. They made this world this way and then they get angry when we play by the rules.

But now things were different. She didn't need a husband anymore. She had everything she needed. She was finally safe and free to do whatever she wanted to do. When was the last time she did that?

She wanted Sidney now. They did not get to have the great love story they were supposed to have before. But they could now, couldn't they?

Eliza let go of a sigh. She was so tired of all of this. She let a couple of tears fall down her cheeks, wiped them out and looked up to the sky.

She knew what she had to do. She knew what she wanted.

With her decision in mind, she decided to directly go to Sidney's apartment. It was time to put an end to all of this foolishness.

It's with conviction that she knocked on the door of Sidney's room.

Sidney, on the other hand, opened the door already exhausted.

- " Eliza?" He sounded defeated, tired, even hopeless. He clearly did not slept at all and you could see it on his face.

- "We need to talk, don't we, Sidney?" Said Eliza while coming in. She looked around a little bit and then quickly turned back to him. She didn't want to make it longer than it needed to be.

- "Eliza, about last night..." began to say Sidney.

- "I'll do the talking" interrupted Eliza.

He had not the energy to fight her, nor did he really wanted to anyway. Sidney chose to sit down on a chair, letting his fiancée speaking.

- "I have loved you for most of my life" admitted Eliza in a sad voice. "And when came the time, I chose someone else." A tear was falling down her cheek. "It was a mistake, my mistake. I would give anything to go back to a place in time where you did resent me for leaving you, and moment in our history where you're in love with someone else."

- "Eliza..." he murmured, guilty.

- "But i can't do that. I can't go back in time and change what happened. I need to let go of the past and focus on the future. Our future. It's why i have to forgive you for last night, and probably the last few weeks too..."

Eliza was speaking through tears. Her heart was breaking.
Sidney looked away, feeling incredibly guilty to have betrayed the woman he once loved.

Oh, how much he had loved Eliza. He once thought that nothing could ever compare to what he was feeling with her. Her skin, her kisses, her smell, nothing could be better than this. No one could.

And then he met Charlotte Heywood, who put his world upside down so easily. The love he used to have for Eliza was unique, yes, but it was nothing like the way he was feeling about Charlotte.

- "I forgive you, Sidney." Said Eliza.

- "Thank you" breathily said Sidney. He didn't know what to say exactly. Was "thank you" good enough? Was it the right thing say? Was there a right thing to say? Sidney had no clue.

- "i need you to forgive me too" added Eliza in a breath.

Sidney finally looked at her. The anger he had felt towards her in the last ten years was now gone. He had no place in his heart to hate Eliza anymore. No place for it, no strength either.

- "Of course I forgive you, Eliza. After ten years, I can forgive you for this."

Through the tears, Eliza laughed kindly.

- "I didn't mean that, Sidney. I need you to forgive me for holding you back from her."

- "What are you talking about?" Asked Sidney, now surprised.

Eliza wiped her tears with her fingers before saying :

- " Ten years ago was our time. It's not anymore." She tried to hide her sadness behind a weak smile.

- "I can't do this, Eliza."

- "You can't, but I can." She walked to the door, ready to leave. " You have a duty to your family, and I get it. It's what makes you, you. It's why you were about to marry me."

- "Sanditon won't survivre, my brother won't survive if we do not get married." Said Sidney while getting up. He was now scared of what was about to happen. As selfish as it would sound, he needed Eliza's money to make sure both his brother and his dream would not sink into bankruptcy. 

Eliza opened the door.

- "No, They won't survive without money. Which is why I will make sure that your brother gets the money he needs to make Sanditon into whatever rich's people new summer destination he dreams of." She gave one last look at her lost love, a small smile on her lips. "For the people i love, Sidney, I can too make sacrifice."

And just like that, Eliza was leaving Sidney's life again. For the second time, she had broken up their engagement. But for the first time ever, Sidney was relieved to see it end.

The past was now the past.
The present was to be decided.
And the future was his to make.