close your eyes and feel me

10

It had been a week now since Charlotte had this bitter conversation with Eliza Campion. Charlotte was annoyed by it but knew she had to hold it back. There were no reasons to let this sick game of Eliza affect her, and she did not want to spend any more time crying and being sad over anyone.

If Eliza wanted to brag about Sidney, let.her.brag.

With this new optimistic state of mind, she decided not to tell Susan about her chat with Mrs Campion the other night.

But if she succeeds at the task on the days, it was as soon as she was laying in bed that it became difficult. Charlotte was in a situation where a part of herself as being strong, confident and eager for independence while the other part of herself was only wondering :

"Is he happy with her? Did they fell in love again, am I the only one still feeling the way that I do?" she thought to herself.

her heart was beating fast in her chest when his letter came to her mind.

Did he still felt the sadness, was he still disappointed in their ending? Or had he accepted his fate?

«How can I swear in front of God to love a woman when I am completely devoted to another one ?»

How could he have written words like those and not meant them? And if he had, how could he have been over them now? How could he have looked at her that night, like he had not written those words?

Charlotte was feeling crushed at the idea that he had moved on.

Sometime, she would feel this need to run to him and beg him to take her. On other time, she would totally understand the gravity of Sidney's situation and would feel rather incredibly proud of him. At night, she would dream of him and of his touch.

London had not presented itself to be the easy escape she was hoping it would. Charlotte had to come to term with the fact they weren't really any places where she could feel at peace. Back home, all her family was walking on eggs shells and waiting for her to explode. In Sanditon, the memories were too fresh and hurtful yet and London was his city, to him and Eliza. Where they had met and loved each other years ago.

Charlotte was angry. Why was it that everywhere he would go, he would belong? Why couldn't she feel like him? How come was he clearly over their summer thing, and she was still overthinking it?

A week after the ball, she woke up determinate.

It was now enough. No older men would insult her and her family's wealth. She would not allow Eliza Campion to intimidate her and make her feel belittle and she would not hold herself back.

Charlotte had come to London for adventures, and she sure as hell would find it.