Slytherins Heir [Draco X Reader] - Year Five

Chapter sixteen - Grieve

Y/n pov

"What's going on?" Peter asked making you look at him softly taking a sip of water.

"I miss my Dad..." you admitted, taking a shaky breath to not cry.

"I understand." Peter said, you know he lost his mum.

"Does it get easier to think about her?" You asked him. "Your mum?" You asked hoping it wasn't too personal.

"...It's hard sometimes... I know it'd going to be hard for you, especially in these first months." Peter said, which was hard to hear but honest, you needed honesty. You put your glass down on the counter.

"I just really miss him..." You said as Peter hugged you your put your head in the crook of his neck. "I really just want my dad back." You cried holding onto him tightly. You heard someone and quickly let go of Peter and wiped your eyes.

"Oh... it's only you two." You said seeing Tonks and Remus. You said drying your eyes more. "I worried you were Harry."

"You're allowed to be sad." Tonks comforted.

"I can't to Harry..." You said shaking your head. "I can't be weak and especially not Infront of him." You said. You then laughed your eyes glazed. "My mum would be giving me hell right now 'Stay strong' or 'Your enemy can use your emotions against you' and most importantly 'Never let them see you cry...'" You quoted your mother and Remus looked at you gently.

"Y/n, you don't have to listen to that." Remus told you.

"I've never been to good at following her words... I know my Dad..." You took a sharp intake of breath. "My dad always just said my mum was paranoid since the war... she never wanted to give people the chance to hurt her... Dad never cared, he was emotional, and if he had just used the wand... he just had hit her.... But he refused to hurt his daughter out of love." You said recalling his declaration of love before he was struck down.

"Y/n you need to grieve." Remus pointed out.

"It's not like I could go to my dad's grave and weep. I'm so tired of crying anyway, but I just can't stop it every time... every time I think of him, he'll never get to see me graduate, never see my sixteenth birthday, he missed my fifteenth, I'll never have him see anything I'll do." You told them looking at your hands.

"You need to just grieve, these emotions shouldn't be bottled up." Remus said.

"What am I too do?" You asked seriously.

"cry let it all out, all the anger." Tonks said her eyes turned a calming blue.

"I have to control it! If I lose control then I have no clue what will happen, I only have control. I have to be aware, if I cry I have to remind my myself to stop, I have to shut off my emotions." You told them. "The hardest one to turn off is anger... when I get mad, it's like fire, dangerous, when I concentrate I can control energy, a calming effect. They are opposites, I can do things without meaning to. I have to keep control; I can't afford to grieve."

"Y/n, you are at least allowed to cry and talk about what you are feeling, in moderations it will help you." Tonks said.

"Maybe so... it's just like you said Pete, it's gonna be a rough couple of months" you said with teary eyes.

"You're brave Y/n." Peter muttered to you.

"Heh, I know... honestly I didn't think I'd be alive right now... I think Voldemort would keep torturing me until I was dead, I'm not sure why he believes that I can be of use to him. I know you all know more then you let on, I won't pry. I'm smart enough to know it won't get me anywhere." You said looking at Remus before he could tell you he wasn't going reveal more about the order.