The Life of Veronica Stark

Chapter 29

5 Years Later

Veronica's POV:

It's been five years since the snap. After my power freak out I woke up in the field, singed grass all around me with a giant crater where the phone once was. I picked myself up and walked back to the house to begin my new life.

Well, at least, I called it living until I realized I was actually rotting away. Day in and day out I have a routine. Wake up, go to the garden and grow breakfast, eat, shower, get dressed, then sit out on the plains the rest of the say and watch as life goes by around me in nature.

I've done that  everyday since I got here. It's peaceful, it's relaxing, but I can never escape the nightmares I have once the sun goes down. Every night the fight in Wakanda and the death of Thanos play through my mind. I don't regret sitting idly by, watching Thor kill Thanos.

It's usually of him repeating that there is no hope to bring everyone back. I told Pepper that I had to go away to forgive myself, but in all actuality I've never hated myself more. I constantly find new ways to realize that the snap was my fault.

Right now I'm sitting in the pasture, gazing out at the rising sun. Suddenly I feel something shift. Not physically. Something else. Something was happening, something big. Not as big as the snap, but big enough to where I can feel it.

A minute later the shifting stops, leaving me to wonder what could have happened. I feel the urge to open a portal and check on the others, but I let that idea pass. I haven't spoken to any of them since the Garden, I can't just pop up, say 'hey' then leave again. It'd only hurt them more.

When the sun starts to set I head back to the house and get ready for bed. I pass the hall closet and something inside of me urges me to open it. I reluctantly do and freeze when I remember what I put in there 5 years ago.

The suit Tony made me for the battle against Ultron is hanging there nicely, clean. I quickly shut the door. My breathing gets heavy. "Come on Veronica, snap out of it." I tell myself. But nothing helps. The memory of the day I got it surges through my head.

We had just created Vision and broken free of Ulton's lies...

Flashback:

"Hey." I say, they look up at me. "Whoa. Is this really you?" Wanda asks me. I nod. "Like I said before, I am an Avenger, and now, so are you two." I say. They smile back at me and we get together for a group hug.

They really are what kept me sane in my time at Hydra. They're the good that came out of that. "Are you two ready for this?" I ask. Pietro nods while Wanda just stares at the ground. "Give me a minute." I tell him. He nods and exits the room. I pull her over to a bench.

"Hey, whatever happens out there, don't hold back. You are strong and amazingly gifted. Use that against Ultron." I say. "You have such a good heart Roni. Please never lose that." She tells me. "I'll try." I say. Smiling we hug each other. "Now come on, they're waiting for us." I say.

She nods. "Let's go save the world."

End of Flashback:

Thinking of Wanda and Pietro hurts. I've lost them both. I think back to what Wanda told me that day. 'You have a good heart Roni. Please never lose that.' I tear comes to my eye. If she saw me now I think she might be disappointed in me. So would Pietro. So would James.

Another memory surges from the first time I met James...

Flashback:

"Also, what's your name?" I ask. "Buc-" "No, your real name, not a nickname." I say. "James, but I don't like going by that." He says. "Well why not?" I ask. "It reminds me of the man I no longer am." He says. "Well, I like it, and I'm going to call you James." I say. "Why?" He asks, intrigued.

"Because, whenever I came home I had people calling me everything but Roni except Wanda and Steve because they thought bringing it up would hurt me. Then I realize I preferred it. Because, Roni is who I used to be. And even though I've changed, it's who I liked me best as."

I continue, "So I may never be able to go back before Hydra, but just my name helps me think that that is who I'm striving to be again. So, James, I want you to embrace your past. It's the only way you'll accept yourself in the future."

End of Flashback:

The words I told him echo in my head. 'So, James, I want you to embrace your past. It's the only way you'll accept yourself in the future.' I'm a hypocrite and a disappointment. Wanda and Pietro begged me to retain my kind nature.

I told James to strive to be the person he used to be despite his mistakes and here I am buried so deep in mine that I'm suffocating myself. How could I have let this happen. Shaking my head, tears rolling down my face, I walk away from the closet and into the bedroom.

I change into some more comfortable clothes and crawl into bed. I try for hours, but no matter what I do, I cannot sleep. Mine and Wanda's words from all those years ago won't leave my head. I almost add that to reasons to hate myself, but I stop.

I'm dishonoring their memories by wallowing in my self pity. They knew I could be better and I'm letting them down. By the time I come to this conclusion my eyes are starting to finally grow heavy. I let out one more yawn before my eyes fall shut and I drift off into a nightmare less sleep.