𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 | 𝐭𝐯𝐝

63

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My mind is screaming and I can't take it anymore. I feel the blood of my victims and still taste it even though its been a while since my last meal. Do I starve or plunge the white oak stake, which lies under a loose floorboard just a few feet from me, in my heart? Stefan wasn't there to save me anyway. He needed Damon. He needed Damon and I would have been left to die.

I grabbed my diary.

Dear whoever has found this,

I tried. I tried to block out my thoughts and be strong. I knew my humanity was going to be flipped, but I didn't know it would hurt this bad. I've murdered and I'm disgusted. Every vampire must do it, but I never envisioned it this horrid. Kids wake up and don't have their mothers and fathers anymore because I killed them. They don't have aunts or uncles. They don't have brothers and sisters. It's my fault.

I know you'll grieve for a short period of time. Stefan and Damon, I know you'll be there for Elena forever and always, but she will need you.

Elena, tell Jeremy I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't have been a better sister. Being a vampire was a mistake. I shouldn't have fed. We all knew this from the start. Tell Jeremy I love him and I'll watch after him in this time of mourning. Never leave his side no matter how hard he kicks and shoves you away. He is a stubborn son of a bitch, but he's a secret teddy bear.

I love you, Elena. You've won.

Stefan, where do I start?

You were the guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses. The one that made my cheeks turn pink just by looking at you. You fell in love with Elena, but you deserve each other. You were an ultimate love. A year later, I am still crushing on you. I don't think I've ever stopped. I believe I was trying to push away my feelings by loving Damon, but he didn't choose me either.

You're the guy who I could spend eternity with. Your smile is something that brought joy to my heart. Never lose it. Hold onto our past. We were dumb, reckless, and party animals. We weren't meant to be, but just pit stops on the way to love I suppose. Your hand in mine was the best feeling I've ever experienced. Not the sex or feeding, but simple hand-holding because I knew you were there.

You told me once, "You don't need answers. You need your soul. You need your life. You need your own happiness and own friends. Count me in as the first real friend." I rested my head on your shoulder and thanked you and you whispered,
"Always."

You were my always.

Damon, oh my god where do I begin?

You were an adventure. You used to not care at all, even with your emotions. You had the skill we admired. You were annoying at times, I'll say that, but at the end of the day, you saved us. You made me into the vampire I am today, which pisses me off greatly, but I can't say there weren't pros. I thought I'd be stuck around two of the best vampires forever, our friendship strong. But the chain stopped and the weakest link dropped.

Tell Alaric he was the best substitute father we have had. He was my drinking buddy and always stood by our side. Damon, be less of a dick to him.

I'm sorry I wasn't an amazing person. I'm sorry I can't feel the love you may be giving me.

-Sundance Gilbert.