Random Skulduggery Pleasant Nonsense

HIPPIE DEXTER AND TANITH!!!! YAY!!!

thank you Artemis_P for my first request! (sorry, for some reason it wouldn't let me dedicate) I screamed in the middle of maths (on zoom) because of that. I also had to research hippies, so have fun reading! I might put their outfits down the bottom for you. Or not. I found out making this that her name is Tanith, not Tainith. WHAT?

TW: killing, blood and Death, suicide, because, what in the Skulduggery Pleasant universe doesn't include that? (unless they're drunk)

Tanith adjusted her last earring, cursing as a lock of dirty blond hair caught on the peace sign in the middle.

"Dexter!", she called to the man in the room beside her at their motel, who was coming with her to the party tonight. Dexter ran in, his bright shirt blinding even Tanith for a second. As she recovered, Dexter reached over and untangled the earring, tangling his finger instead. Tanith sighed, and rolled her eyes, taking out her sword.

"now," she mused, "to take off the hair, or the finger?"

Dexter shrieked, and tried to run from her, forgetting that his finger was trapped, even though that was the reason he  was trying to run. Tanith watched, smirking, before strapping her sword back to her waist, and pulling out a dagger. Dexter shrieked again, and Tanith wanted to make the moment last- But she had a party to get to on time. Tanith sliced the strand of hair half way down, not close enough to hurt Dexter, but just close enough to make him squeal again. She grabbed her sunglasses, swished her bright dress and strutted out the door, sword still hanging from her waist like an oversized toothpick, Dexter scurrying after her.

Line break to the party because I am a lazy hooman bean. (see? line break)

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*Chink* Tanith was clicking her glass against Dexter's, spilling juice down the front of his shirt when the door slammed open, sending the people there flying- into the microphones, and making a horrific screeching sound. 

"ugh. not groovy, man" Tanith muttered as she grabbed her sword. She had come to this party hoping for an escape from all the killing, but as always, trouble seemed to find her. She sprinted towards the doors, running onto the nearest wall, her sword already becoming an arc of death, beheading the first intruder in a matter of seconds. Tanith could see Dexter shooting his fairy lights everywhere except the things, making them about as useful as fairy lights. She sighed and turned her attention back to what mattered. The punch. Just kidding, she took a quick survey of the room, finding that all the innocents were scurrying around, getting out of the way of the black cloaked things, leaving her way clear, only to hear Dexter step on the head she had just separated from it's body. Tanith rolled her eyes, her earrings clinking, and repeated herself.

"Not groovy, man"

With that, she sprang at the things, a whirling, rainbow arc of shiny doom, as Dexter ran around screaming in circles. Tanith hacked and spun, cutting down thing after thing, but more kept spawning from the original three. Huh. Three- an unlucky number for her. Three generals of Mevolent. Three Elders. Three Cradles of Magic. All things Tanith considered bad. Eek. So, She hacked and spun some more, cutting down double the amount of things that flew at her, because she had to fight all of Dexter's as well, while he rolled on the floor kicking all the bloodied heads away from the innocents with surprising vigour. Too bad his fairy lights were more for show then for slaughter. 

"Take that. Ya! Ha! DIE!"

Tanith heard Dexter roar from across the room. She rolled her eyes once again. That would cause some serious karma. The world might suddenly tell them Skulduggery was Lord Vile, or something, and his entire mind would shatter. But then, when did their job not tempt the world to shoot massive amounts of negative karma back at them? Oh well. but what if Skulduggery was Lord Vile? her mind started to wander, which is never a good thing for most people when they fight, but for Tanith? She did better. Slash, block, jab, cut, slash, block, jab, cut. Tanith sunk into the rhythm, her movements flowing together, until she had killed the last thing. 

The things. what were they exactly? She bent down to take the hood off one of the bodies, but they dissolved into shadows the moment her fingers grazed the ear. Well, at least Tanith knew they had ears. very helpful. As she stood up, bathing in the afterglow of her victory, she noticed the room had gone silent. She took another survey of the room. Tanith found no innocents cowering in the corner. So they were safe, she thought with satisfaction. That was, until she saw the bodies in the shadows. And the one body in the middle of the floor, across the room. Dexter. Tanith stared in disbelief. Even if his fairy lights were useless, she didn't think he would be killed by one of those shadow things. 

As Tanith stared at Dexter in shock, one of her bangles sliding off, Vile shadow walked behind her. At the last second, as he reached to grab her head, Tanith turned- But to late.

"Not groovy, man" she breathed, as Vile clenched her skull between his gloves. Yes, he thought, He would do it. After all, he was sick, and twisted, and 'evil' as Vile anyway... Why not become even more so. As he twisted her head, the shadows flowed off him, revealing the grinning skeleton beneath. In her dying moments, Tanith saw the truth, and her eyes widened in horror, for the last time. And she went still.

Skulduggery looked with dread at Tanith's body, his skull turning and finding Dexter's body. He looked at all the innocent people in bright clothes and excessive  jewellery, dead, on the floor, knowing he did this. Slowly, Skulduggery pulled his fibula off, doing this one bone at a time, in agony, until it all stopped.

The room was silent, and no-one discovered all the bodies until morning.

And Valkyrie screamed.

The end! Sorry for all the bad grammar and spelling, and e.t.c, and sorry if you didn't like the ending or if it was too dark (I personally find that hard to believe, because people scream all the time) or if you disliked it. Sorry Artemis_P if you didn't like what I did with your request, but I worked with what I had in my brain at 1:20 am and didn't edit, so sorry. anyways...

AND YES, Ali_Cynical and IvoryAid,  I DID SAY IN THAT KAHOOT THAT I WOULD KILL ALL THE CHARACTERS IN MY NEXT FANFICTION. 😜

Bye!

-Me