Random Skulduggery Pleasant Nonsense

Chaos.

Hey, I thought it might be time I updated this even though I'm very much out of the fandom, but anyways. Have some chaos!! :D

Skulduggery had a hat. Valkyrie did not have a hat. Skulduggery had a wife. Valkyrie had a girlfriend. Except Skulduggery's wife died a few centuries ago, so it didn't count. The score was now 1/1.

"I have a Bentley and you don't." The Skeleton's smug voice chimed through the crack of the door to his hat room, which he was currently hiding in because he needed some quality alone time with those special hats made by his also-dead-best-friend/tailor. 

"I have an Oompa Loompa and you don't."

"An Oompa Loompa's not a car."

"I know. But I also have an Oompa Loompa car."

Skulduggery sighed as one point went up for him, and two for Valkyrie. The score was now 3/2 to Valkyrie.

"I'm old." 

"I'm young."

Another two points went up

"I have friends." Valkyrie declared triumphantly. This stopped Skulduggery, as all his friends had either betrayed him, been killed by an ex-friend, died, or been killed by him. Or they fell into leaf mulchers. Another point went up for Valkyrie. 5/3 to Valkyrie.

"I've seen Hamilton." 

"I met Hamilton."

"I met Lin-Manuel Miranda."

"Me too, and I stole his car keys."

"YOU DID WHAT?!?!?" Skulduggery peeked out around the door, and if a skeleton could look sheepish and proud at the same time, this one certainly did.

"I stole Lin-Manuel Miranda's car keys. And gave them back, of course." He then proceeded to mutter something under his breath that Valkyrie immediately demanded he repeat.

"Not before copying them first." He flashed her a skeletal smile, then shut and locked the door before she could make powder out of his bones.

------------

From the other side of the door, Valkyrie could hear the muffled noises of Skulduggery talking/ singing to his hats. He probably cared more for those hats then he did for her. Then an idea struck her.

"I have never sung to hats." She could hear the noise stop. Then a bang, right where her head was resting on the door.

"You dare." The melodic voice boomed through the door, and it started to open. She stood back, and the door opened fully. And she saw the terrifying, intimidating thing silhouetted in the doorway, the terrifying, intimidating, ferocious thing she saw that was certainly aiming to kill her.

And she fell over laughing on the floor. Another fit of giggles wracked her body, and she howled with laughter, and very confused undead figure standing over her. A very confused undead figure with his suit jacket undone, and hats on every inch of his body that he could hang stuff on. He was a walking, talking hat stand, with a pristine black one sitting on a cushion in his rib cage.

"I have-" Valkyrie gasped in a breath, holding her stomach. "Never-" she rolled on the floor, trying her best to control the laughter. "Used my ribs- as- as a hat storage unit." She dissolved back into giggles.

As soon as she was able to walk again, she hopped over to the blackboard and picked up a piece of chalk.

"I've seen a skeleton covered in hats." Skulduggery walked over to a mirror.

"Me too. Final score?"

He watched Valkyrie grab the piece of chalk. The final scoreboard read:

Valkyrie:                                                                              Skulduggery:

  10                                                                                                6

"Well shoot." Skulduggery picked at at hat on his collarbone. "At least I have more hats than you."

Valkyrie, never one to be outdone ran up to him and grabbed every hat she could, running away with the skeleton chasing after her. And as China finally stood up from the couch, after watching this whole spectacle, all she could hear was the faint shout of:

"COME BACK TO DADA, LITTLE HATYS!"

Um, so this book won't be updated regularly, sorry, but every now and then I might just publish crack fics every now and then. Yeah, this was just an impulse chapter, and I wrote it in about 15 minutes so sorry for bad quality. If you have one, please, please request! Otherwise this book is and will die. ):

-Me