Still My Fault

Chapter 19

Anja's Point of View

"Okay, you may have lunch." Our adviser dismissed us then left the room. Nagtayuan ang mga estudyante sa room at naglabasan na rin sila. Kinuha ko muna ang wallet at mobile phone ko sa bag. Tumayo na ako at binuksan ang aking phone para i-update si Ethan pero napataas ang kilay ko ng makakita na ako ng notification galing sa kaniya.

From Ethan:

      Carli and Kairo wants to meet you. Let's have snacks after class. Is it okay with you?

I replied instantly.

To Ethan:

      Sure :))

Matagal ng sinabi sa akin ni Ethan tungkol sa mga kaibigan niya. I really appreciate them because they've been a part of Ethan's life but I also can't help but feel anxious about later.

What if they don't like me?

What should I do? Because when I ask people about their first impression on me, most of them said I looked intimidating. Ayoko naman na ma-intimidate sa akin ang mga kaibigan ni Ethan. I want to look friendly at yung tipong mabilis lapitan.

"Anja! Tara lunch!" Yaya ni Reese sa akin. Lumapit na rin sa amin si Quinn habang nakatingin sa akin, "Are you okay? You look worried." tanong ni Quinn. I merely nodded nodded at her. 

Naglakad na kaming tatlo papuntang cafeteria, pansin ko ang pagdalas na pagtingin ng dalawa sa akin. I tried to cover my anxiety with a smile but they aren't convinced, why do I feel like we already know each other for too long?

Naka order na kami ng aming kakainin. I ordered fish fillet and mashed potatoes for my side dish. May rice din ako at iced tea, the food was good but I didn't really enjoyed it kahit paubos na ito. I'm really nervous for later, andami kong naiisip.

"Reese, Quiin." I called.

Napatingin silang dalawa sa akin habang nakain. 

I took a deep breath, "I'm going to meet Ethan's friends later and I'm nervous as heck. Any tips?" Bakas sa boses ko ang pag-aalala.

"Is that the reason why you were so worried?" Quinn asked and I nodded while finishing my mashed potatoes.

"Don't overthink it because there's a tendency that you might overdo it. You might appear like you're trying hard or you might act like you're systemized and honestly that isn't really pleasant to see." Paliwanag ni Quinn kaya napatigil ako sa pagnguya at nagsimula na akong mamangha. "Just be yourself, I'm sure that is the best not only for them but also for yourself. You are already likable just the way you are, no need to worry." She continued.

"Wow..." I said then brought my spoon down on my plate. And here I thought na tahimik lang si Quinn, that's why I don't really trust people's appearance.

Nginitian niya lang ako at sumubo na ulit ng pagkain. Napatingin naman ako kay Reese na tumatawa, "Ganiyan din yung reaction ko dati noong highschool, less pretty nga lang." Sabi niya.

Kumunot ang noo ko, "Are you serious?" I asked in disbelief.

"Oo, akala ko kasi tahimik lang si Quin--" I cut her off, "No. What I mean is... You're pretty." I don't really like complimenting people because sometimes they're just fishing for compliments but Reese actually looked like she isn't aware of her looks.

I suddenly saw my past self in her, I wasn't confident about myself either but I have people who helped and I improved. My friends and of course, Ethan. They treat me right and they weren't ashamed to tell me how beautiful I am. And that is exactly what Reese needed, a friend to show her how beautiful she is. I think all people needs to express that others are beautiful and that they are appreciated.