Just Me ✔

Chapter 24

"Jayden," Chase says as he enters my room.

I just slump and roll in my bed.

"Hey," he says as he sits on my bed.

"Chase, I wanna be alone." I mumble out.

"I know, it's been one week since you've gone downstairs though," Chase says, looking forward at the far wall.

"I don't care," I say hiding under my covers.

"Jayden, have you let it out?" Chase asks, catching me off guard.

"What do you mean?" I ask, poking my head out from under the covers, showing no emotion.

"Cried, let out all your sadness, your anger, your pain?" Chase said, taking his eyes off the wall and brought them to me.

"I guess, I cried when I found out and some other times." I shrug, laying back down.

"No, Jayden. You pushed away your feelings. Your parents died, then you moved, then you started school, and now a serial killer that wants you is on the loose. You haven't given yourself the time to cry. You haven't really given yourself the time to think. And now you're here and I'll bet you don't feel anything. I bet you only feel numb." I feel my eyes prickle with tears. I hate being emotional, so I do push what I'm feeling aside.

"It's only going to hurt you more. The more you push aside, the more it'll pile up, and when it reaches the maximum, Jayden, you will be broken."

"I already am broken, Chase," my voice cracks as I feel a tear slip down my cheek.

"Then I guess I have to put you back together," Chase says, wiping the lone tear with his thumb.

"How?" I whisper.

"Just talk to me, please, that's the only way," Chase says, his eyes filled with determination.

"Okay," I say as I sit up. Chase sits up across from me on my bed, and looks at me expectantly. I avoid eye contact and think about how I'm feeling.

It takes a while for me to start to feel my feelings, but once I do, I feel a wave of tears come to my eyes. Chase climbs across the bed and holds me. 

"Okay," I repeat, gaining the courage to speak. "I guess I just feel so damn lost and alone right now. My parents are dead. They are really going to be gone forever. Somebody killed them, he took a gun and shot them. He knew he was going to kill them. To take them away from me!" I say, my voice breaking.

"And, I thought I had my bestfriend to talk to but she ditched me for somebody that we despised after I moved. We were friends for 12 years, and she ditched me when I needed her the most. And, I know he's changed but I couldn't rely on Ethan when I first came either, so I just built a bigger barrier up."

"Chase, and now," I start between a sob, "I don't even know. The killer wants me dead. He almost killed me already. If I didn't go out that night, I would've been able to save them. Or I might've been killed with them too," I cry before adding, "Sometimes I wish I was killed with them. It's just so so so hard." Chase grabs me and holds me tightly in his chest.

"I know it's hard, my beauty, but don't wish that. You made it, you were meant to make it." Chase says, rocking me back and forth, "and your friend back over there, is a real bitch. She was never your friend if she did you like that."

"I know, so am I just that unlikeable? She was the only one I even considered my friend. The only one who would talk to me," I cry.

"No," Chase says, pulling back to look me in the eye. "You are so likeable, okay? People just have their own agendas and can be dicks, okay? Remember the first time we met? I brought you food because I knew you were really awesome and sweet. I knew you weren't fake or putting on an act. And I'm so happy I was right, because you are one of the most amazing people I know, and I know a lot of people, okay?" Chase says in a stern yet soothing tone.

"Okay," I sniffle, trying to wipe the waterfalls coming from my eyes.

Chase leans back as I continue to cry into his chest. He just pats my back, and rubs my arm. It is a small act, but it helps. It helps to know that I have someone to rely on, to know it's not just me alone in this crazy world.

"My parents," I say as my crying slowly calms down, "are actually dead, they aren't coming back."

"Yeah," Chase says as he gives me a reassuring squeeze.

"Wow," I say as it sinks in.

"Would you like to tell me about them? To help let their memory live on?" Chase asks after about 5 minutes of silence.

I smile as I think about my parents. "I've been told I look a lot like my mom. I didn't see it until that day it snowed," I chuckle myself. "She loved to play piano and sing. I could never do either. She tried teaching me when I was younger, but it never held my attention. My mom did everything she could to help people. That's one of the reasons she became a nurse," my smile vanishes as that's the reason that got both of my parents killed.

"I can tell you love to help people just like her," Chase says, as he wiped another stray tear.

"Yeah," my smile reappears. "We would always bake yummy goodies for our neighbors, and we rarely made it for ourselves."

"Wow, that takes a lot of selflessness to do that," Chase chuckled.

"Yeah," I said as a huge grin came onto my face. "And my dad was the same. He was always so funny, and would do anything to keep a smile on my face. They would always play the song "stairway to the stars" by Ella Fitzgerald and dance to it. I would always watch and giggle. The amount of love for each other was something I could only dream of," I say as I feel my eyes sparkle at the memory. "Man, it hurts like hell that they're gone," I say getting upset that I will never see that again.

"I know, and it will hurt like hell for a long time," Chase says as he kisses my forehead.

We sat in silence for a little longer before Chase looks at his phone, "Shit, I would love to sit with you all day, but I gotta go," he says as he sits up.

"It's okay. Thank you so much. You made me feel again," I say, genuinely thankful. The longer I sat alone, the more lost I got in my head, and the harder it would be to get me out.

"Of course, it's the least I can do," he says, standing up with a smile, "I'm hanging with Ethan tomorrow, so I'll be sure to visit you again," Chase smiles.

"Thank you," I return the smile.

He nods, about to head out the door before turning to say, "And don't forget, gumdrop. You deserve the fucking world."