Nowhere But You

Chapter 38

Robin liked driving.

She wasn't one of those drivers who drove instinctively, just like walking. She was, instead, a fearful one. She remained focused, with her eyes sharing the right amount of time between the road and the rearview mirrors. She could talk and listen to music while she drove, but her mind remained fixed on the task at hand. And that is why she liked it. It allowed her to think of nothing else.

And that is also why she accepted Nathan's offer of using his mountain house, if she needed a 'break.' She surely did. Just the drive there –three hours from Newtown to their hometown of Granville and from there about an hour and a half more into the mountains, was a break in itself. OLR's 10th Anniversary event was just weeks away, and there was still so much to do.

And, after that turbulent goodbye from River, which caused him to depart a night early on his tour with Erika, Robin hadn't heard from him directly. It appeared, however, that he was having the time of his life. Erika's nightly updates on her blog, complete with pictures of her band and their trip, gave it all away.

Robin refused to be the first to speak. Many a time she came close to speed dialing River's number (saved as '2' because '1' was voicemail), but stopped right on time. She felt she was right in her opinion of Erika and what this woman was doing to River and how engrossed he had become in her. It was only natural to feel cautious and jealous. Sure, she was expecting he would react, but never the way he did and never by throwing Nathan into the argument, thus revealing what had been bottled up inside for so long... and obviously doing her head in.

As confident as Robin was of being right, doubts struck her from time to time. That insecure little girl that still lived within her occasionally resurfaced and made her blame herself. What if it really was nothing and she just made it worse? What if she had just stayed quiet and swallowed it in, as she had done until then? What if he was right and she shouldn't be as close to Nathan anymore? What if her nagging actually prompted River to...

No.

No thinking.

Robin sat straight from her somewhat slouching position, and glanced at Brooke from her rearview mirror. Nathan's dog sat peacefully in Robin's backseat, her collar attached to some doggy seat belt contraption. Brooke's eyes were of a different color each, one was clear blue and the other was brown. Robin thought they had so much wisdom behind them. She was an incredibly smart dog. Robin was convinced Nathan had instructed her to take care of Robin and keep her company on this trip.

Robin never told Nathan what had actually happened. She didn't want to explain, but mostly, she didn't want Nathan to hate on River, because she loved both fiercely. Differently, but just as much.

In such a way apparently only she could understand.

She had no idea what would happen now; what would happen when River came back from his tour. How they would come out of this.

Because it hadn't been a simple argument.

The shuffle playlist coming from Robin's iPod launched a late 80s pop-rock tune. Robin smiled. In the beginning of their relationship, River often teased her about liking this song, which caused her to play it repeatedly to tease him back, until he ended up singing along with it.

The song also brought back a memory of that school party where it all began. She was 13, Nathan was 15 and that song pumped loud in the speakers. That party marked the first time he held Robin's hand in the dark and something sparked in her young heart.

She removed her right hand from the wheel and closed it to a fist, almost as if she had felt it. Just as swiftly, that same hand turned off her car stereo.